orangestory

I couldn't have done it without you.

| at 10:51 AM

Thank you, Wang Guofeng, for finding my smiles back, for putting it all together again.

Thank you for calling me and asking me how am i doing.

Thank you for being there when I need you the most.

Thank you for coming straight away from work to see me.

Thank you for saying these words,

"please don't cry, because when you cry my heart hurts so much."

"you must be very sad, have you been crying all day? because your eyes, your nose, and your lips have the same colour."

Thank you for saying I looked cute when I know I looked like a mess.

Thank you for buying all those little gummy bears.

Thank you for letting me wet your shoulders with my tears (and mucus).

Thank you for providing me with lots and lots of tissues.

Thank you so much. I love you more.

Thanks for treating others disrespectfully

| at 3:43 PM

I can be polite, why can't you???

I really damn hate you, Mandy Lee.

And Rayn Wong.

No connotations intended.

I really really hate (as in, opposite of like, love) you.

Seriously, can status buy you everything????

damn Singapore's elitism.

You Speak Very Good English

| at 10:26 AM

So I met this lady today in the MRT trying to get me buying her stuff. It was some kind of a beauty product or something. I sensed some hard-selling in her.

"Hi.. are you a Singaporean?"

(why do you need to enquire my nationality if you just want me to buy your products? What an irrelevant attempt.)

"No"

(I hope this lady will go away once I say that I am not a Singaporean. This trick usually works for bank officers trying to get me sign up for their credit cards.)

"Where are you from?"

(Oh please, you know it is none of your business.)

"Indonesia"

(This lady looks Chinese. I doubt she understands Malay. Maybe I should stop speaking English and switch to Bahasa Indonesia to make her go away.)

"So you are here studying? Or working?"

(What? So if I work means I get some sort of income. Even better for her.)

"Studying."

(Get it now? I am poor. I don't have any money to buy your things.)

"I see... University?"

(Oh so you see. Now, do I look like a primary school student based on what you saw?)

"Yes."

(Now if you'll excuse me.)

"Maybe you can help me do some survey in my office. It is about 10 minutes walk from here. Very near. Will you help?"

(I know your tricks. Once I am in your office you will try to hard sell your products.)

"Mmm... sorry, but I am meeting my friends. They are already waiting for me."

(Try to walk faster.. try to walk faster..)

"Oh... Ok. How about I give you a name card for you to call if you have any questions?"

(Yeah, whatever.)

"Ok."

(And she gave me a brochure. A weight loss brochure.

**** off. Do I look fat to you?)

"Thanks. You speak very good English."

"Bye."

Wait!

What do you mean by "you speak very good English" ???

Stereotype, maybe?

For years people have been trying to inspire others on how being fat is normal and people should cherish their body. I sort of agree with them, however, only to a certain extent. I think it is OK to have slanty eyes, flat face, and black hair. I think it is OK to have a dark skin-tone. I think it is OK to have curly hair. I think it is OK to be who you are and cherish the body you are born with. But being fat? Seriously??

Studies have shown that obese teenagers are reducing their chances to get their soul mate by the time they are 40. Studies have shown that people who exercise regularly and eat less oily food live longer. Studies have also shown that being lighter (but not too light) is healthier; that is, reducing your chance of getting complications when you are older. Studies also have shown that lighter people have better sexual life.

I think those 'inspirational' talks are just fooling people, giving them a wrong perception that being big is OK. Of course, bigger people like those talks. But I don't. The thing is, I don't like being fat. And whatever lecture they are telling me, those are not gonna go through and pierce my heart. I would just critically listen to those lectures that are supposed to brainwash me and forget them the next minute.

I used to be an XS size girl who weigh less than 50 kg. I found no hassle in shopping for clothes because slim people usually find it easier to get dressed, i.e. to buy clothes that fit and of course, shoes. Online blogs have sizes for average to slim (slim mostly) sizes. XL clothes are harder to find when you shop in South-East Asia. I am talking about Singapore, Indonesia, China, Japan, and Korea.

But I don't wear size XS anymore. And I am irritated by it. And because I am not very tall either, people call me the petite girl. I didn't mind. Mmm ok well. I didn't like being short and wished I could be taller but I sorta have accepted my height years ago. But now, not only I am short, I am fat too. Good God.

My clothes are no longer fit. I went back to Jakarta and my sister has started working. She needed shirts and blouses and my mum told me to give her my clothes. She is about the same height as me and weighs like, 43 kg?? Or is it 42?? So all my clothes that I used to like have been taken away from my wardrobe to hers. Can you imagine that?

So I came back to Singapore after that, and re-arranged my closet because I just moved house. I sorta tried my clothes and guess what??? My clothes are no longer fit!! (except those T-shirts and long blouses). Gosh. That's it man, I have to lose weight. Maybe I will not be as light as my sister, but at least, those clothes in my wardrobe... I have to make sure they fit again.

| at 5:18 PM

heart-breaker owners!!! :(

| at 3:02 PM

I don't understand why my life has to be so screwed up.
I am just a normal girl with struggles. Just like everybody else, in case you don't know.

So what if I am not like what I was 7 years ago? I have grown up. And you have to accept that fact. I wish I could keep myself from growing up. I wish I was still the innocent girl I used to be. I wish I was not the way I am today. I just wish.

And I appreciate your effort to understand me. Truth is, I don't even know if there is someone who truly understands me because that person has undergone what I have been through. Sadly, I have not met the one.

I wish you can be here by my side, listen to every word I say, telling me similar stories you have been through, and wipe away all my tears because I really need you right now.

Please come to me. Please.

I Love Him So Much

| at 12:54 AM

I do. I truly do. I have loved him since I met him. I have been addicted to his touch since I first experienced it. His gentleness has captivated me. The kindness in his eyes can melt my anger. The strength in his arms can shelter me from everything. My entire body cries when I am not with him.

When he is at his worst, I see him at his best. In his mistakes, I see perseverance. In his weakness, I see courage. In his past, I see what made him. In his future, I see all that he will become.

When I look into my heart, I see him. When I close my eyes, I feel him. While my contentment comes from within, he is my lighthouse, shining my way home.

Why do I feel this way? He has cast me aside. He has shown me his anger. He has shown me his immaturity. Yet in his anger, I feel his fear; in his immaturity, I see his imperfection; in his rude, dismissive attitude, I feel his frustration.

Does he know how I see him? Does he realize how perfect he is in my eyes?

When I am scared, he is my protector. When I feel alone, he is my comfort. He is there for me before I ask. He knows my pain before I feel it, and understands it better than me. He guards my body from harm, and my heart from pain. He is the love of my life.

---an experienceproject article, edited version.

The cross was meant for us.

| at 1:46 PM

Today is the day.

Where my Lord Jesus Christ sacrificed His life for us, you and I.

His blood was shed so that we can have an eternal life.

The day where He remembered my name on the cross. The day where He carried all our sins and was crucified. The day that we, all of us, were supposed to be punished for all our sins, yet He took the cross and died for us. so we could live.

All because of love.

His blood

cleanses our sins.

cures our illnesses.

opens up the heaven's door.

Makanya kita harus selalu jaga hati, biar darahNya gak pernah sia-sia. Kalo gak buat apa Dia berkorban tapi kita juga gak bisa masuk surga?

Dia disalib sampe di dalam tubuhNya uda gak ada darah lagi, sampe pas ditusuk lambungnya yang keluar air dan bukan darah. Artinya darahNya uda bener2 tercurah buat kita semua. Biar kita bisa idup, biar kita bisa sembuh, biar kita bisa masuk surga. Biar iblis dikalahkan, biar gak ada anak2Nya yang masuk neraka. Biar si iblis gak punya kuasa lagi atas kita.

He wore the crown of humiliation so that we could wear the crown of glory.

Let me quote my favourite song, Amazing Love. Such a lovely song.

I'm forgiven because You were forsaken,

I'm accepted, You were condemned.

I'm alive and well, Your spirit is within me,

Because You died and rose again.

Amazing love, how can it be,

That You, my King, should die for me?

Amazing love, I know it's true

It's my joy to honour You,

In all I do, I honour You.

You are my King

Jesus You are my King

-----------

Thank You Lord for the Good Friday.

No one.

| at 11:22 AM

people dont ****ing understand how i feel. even if they say they do, they dont.

Things I Look For In A Guy

| at 6:10 PM

1) He has to be a gentleman

Stand in the correct side when crossing the road, stand one step below on the escalator, open the door for the lady is definitely an A+.

2) He has to be tough

"Let's stay inside because it's freaking hot outside"or "I don't take public transport because they're too crowded and I hate standing" are MAJOR turn-offs.

3) He has to be physically pleasing on the eye

Yes you heard it right. Neatly-groomed hair and a clean, well-shaved face can never go wrong. Choice of fashion must not be too geeky or too sloppy. He doesn't have to look or dress like a superstar, but at least he has to pay attention to his clothes and make the effort to look good.

4) He has to be confident

Nobody likes a guy with a low self-image. NOBODY.

5) He has to like exercising

Well-built and athletic is optional, but at least he has to be of an average built. Overweight or overly-skinny people scare others off. I said exercise; this does not necessarily mean going to the gym.

6) He has to like fruits and vegetables

Admit it. They are healthier and environmentally friendlier. But the main reason of this is to indicate that he is flexible towards luxury. No meat, no problem.

7) He must not be a momma-boy

Making decisions must be his cup of tea. He has to take charge and show his dominance. After all, he is going to be the breadwinner and the leader of the family.

8) He must be able to live a simple life

I don't feel comfortable with branded bags, clothes, zillion cars, and huge houses. You have to agree that the more money you have, the more complicated your life will get. Able to keep within what are necessary is more than a plus point. Of course, occasional treats is considered a necessity.

9) He has to be ingenious

He can be less educated than me. In fact, I don't care about education. What do you learn in school anyway? I hate to go to school myself. However, if he has the ability to think fast complemented with quick motor skills, I won't ask for more.

10) He has to be willing and know how to do the housework

Don't get me wrong. I WILL do the housework. I will clean, I will cook and I will iron. But sometimes it is just beyond our control to let the wife solely do the housework. Sometimes she needs to work overtime or travel overseas. Therefore, he needs to know how to take care of the house. And don't tell me he can't fix the tap. He is the first-rescuer for any mechanical disaster.

11) He has to have a great sense of humour

I hate guys who are too serious. Having a little laugh will not kill.

12) My parents and family members have to love him

Religion, Respect, and Courtesy. 'Nuff said.

--------------------------------------

Baby, so far you have scored high distinctions in 11 out of 12 points. Time to impress my parents, honey. Don't let your nationality and education pull you down. They shouldn't question your citizenship and discriminate in the first place. I know with all my heart that you will be able to prove them wrong. Your heart is very sincere and pure and I have a complete faith in you. I have chosen you and not once I've regretted that decision. I love you and I always do.

Found this on his profile page.

| at 12:57 AM

"如果爱上你也算是一种错，我深信这会是我生命中最美丽的错，我情愿错一辈子。爱原来很容易，就是把你轻轻的放在心里；爱原来不容易，就是无法走进你的心里。想你，不需要理由；爱你，有太多理由；忘记你，我却找不到理由！"

God to Whom all praise is due.

| at 9:17 AM

You are beautiful beyond description
Too marvelous for words
Too wonderful for comprehension
Like nothing ever seen or heard
Who can grasp Your infinite wisdom?
Who can fathom the depth of Your love?
You are beautiful beyond description
Majesty enthroned above

And I stand, I stand in awe of You
I stand, I stand in awe of You
Holy God, to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of You.

You are beautiful beyond description
Yet God crushed You for my sin
In agony and deep affliction
Cut off that I might enter in
Who can grasp such tender compassion?
Who can fathom this mercy so free?
You are beautiful beyond description
Lamb of God who died for me

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I really wanna be Your friend once again. I was but I let our friendship fail. I long to be Yours. Take me back please ?

PMS

| at 10:52 PM

What do you think of girls who blame everything on their PMS?

I used to hate them. Well, sometimes you are being a bitch and sometimes you are being a crybaby and when everyone tell you its freaking stupid you defend yourself by saying, "oh sorry, I have PMS".

OH PUHLEASE LADIES!

Just admit that you have a low EQ.

And today,

I did it.

I had a fight with my boyfriend over some trivial stuff and when he questioned me why, Yeah man you've guessed right, I totally blamed it on my PMS.

Zzzzz!!!

Why do guys carry their girlfriends' handbags?

| at 12:27 AM

As I stay in the heart of the city, it is a common sight to see couples walking down around my neighborhood, especially on the weekends. Also, it is as common to see the males carrying the females' handbags when they are together.

Seriously, I questioned them rhetorically, must you do that? Is it a norm, an unwritten relationship law that the guys must do that to the girl? I wonder why. Not that I want my guy to carry my bag all the time though, but why do most of the guys voluntarily carry the girls' belongings and the girls end up not carrying anything???

Because as far as I'm concerned, my boyfriend will never carry my handbag, even if he knows that my bag is heavy. Ok perhaps he will, but to the extent that I have to beg him to do that, in which he will give a disagreed frown. But he still carries my bag in the end anyway, for maybe 15 minutes. After that, the bag will usually be back to where it was supposed to be originally, back on my shoulder. I have no idea how.

Just a random thought.

I was just officially kicked out as a cousin.

| at 9:49 PM

My cousins are going to celebrate Val's day this 14th. I know that since I came to Singapore I was never a cousin to them. I don't know if its jealousy or any of its sort.

Anyway my family (bro, sis, and I, which I believe make us their cousins as well), are not invited. ALL of my other cousins are invited except the 3 of us. All these years I have been trying to close one eye on their discriminated acts against my family, but now I just can't take it anymore. Why is it that we did that make you guys so hate us in the first place anyway????

Seriously guys, BE MATURE!! Since grandpa was still alive you guys never grow up. Is it too harsh to say that I am so sick of you?? It is not that I want to be invited anyway, but I think you guys should have a basic courtesy to at least tag me as part of you even if you know that I won't come because I am in Singapore and you are in Jakarta. And also, if you guys seriously have nothing against my family you guys should have already included me in all the lists that you had. But no, never.

I have never heard a single "merry christmas" or "happy birthday" or "happy new year" since then, even when I was in Jakarta and I met you during Christmases in church and I greeted you YOU ALWAYS BLOODY PRETEND THAT YOU DID NOT EVEN KNOW ME. And nope, not even a "hi" back when I "hi" you.

I just want to let you know that I am living a good life and I am on my way to success. If you want to kick me out as a cousin that I'm fine with it. I don't even need you guys anyway. I was treated as an outcast since I was 13 and I am way too fine to accept that fact.

Good bye guys. Don't invite me to your weddings too, I won't give you ang baos.

Hard Homeworks

| at 7:21 PM

Argh. I hate difficult questions on any homework. Seriously, why do they need to be so hard ???

Make my life easy, please, coz I need to relax just like any other normal kid.

BITE Issue 9

| at 11:36 AM

I did a couple of googles and got a great find. It's actually a soft copy of BITe, TP BIT's very own newsletter. Check out this link and scroll all the way to the 2nd page! (Perfect score for BPERP Certification)

www-bus.tp.edu.sg/bus_bit_bite9.pdf

Stupid Guy, Don't Even Understand Why The Heck Did I Like Him In The First Place!

| at 11:53 PM

I saw a picture of a friend I used to like with his girlfriend. Looking at him again and again, I felt a little mad.

I don't exactly know what I was feeling, but I just felt like puking.

Not that they are not a perfect match though, just that I finally felt how stupid I was to fall for him.

He was a freaking bad asshole to begin with, if I can't really say the bad F word. He is the kind of guy who likes to play and can never be serious. The one whose hobbies include making fun of people. After I graduated from TP, I made a simple swear to myself that I would never ever see him again, no matter what it takes. I have turned down my friends' efforts to have some kind of meet-ups after graduation for as little as 3 times, and I believe it's gonna be more.

To think of it, why am I avoiding him so much? After all, I am now living a better life. I am studying in one of Singapore's prestigious universities, I passed all my subjects, I have enough money to treat myself, and most importantly, I have A LOVING BOYFRIEND.

Oh please, my boyfriend is way taller than he is, certainly more handsome in ANY ANGLE, and more muscular. Additionally, my boyfriend is a much better kisser than he is. He is also more humble and always ready to be here for me anytime I want. Simply put, he is just a phone-call away. He respects me for who I am, willing to wait for me, and look at me differently in a way that makes me feel so special. He takes me to places I never expect, he opens up a new dimension in life, and he is not ashamed of loving me. He protects me like a diamond and will never let me walk alone at night. He is honest, he loves me no matter how bad my day is, he loves me when I'm feeling down, he loves me when I'm happy, he loves me when I'm sick, he loves me when I'm broke, he is who he is, and he let me be who I am. I love him with all my heart and soul. My boyfriend is everything to me.

So what's now to avoid? That guy is nothing to me. He can never compete with me. I can always see him with head held high, step him on the ground and walk over him.

But with all these achievements, why do I still want that guy to go down even deeper? I even wish he should never ever be happy. I do not want him to move on, I want him to get stucked being a fool. I want all girls in the world to dump him miserably.

Am I being very bad? Just once I want to laugh AT him. He played me and I want him to feel the misery every second in his life. I wanna be successful. I wanna be an entrepreneur, creating jobs for the unemployed. One day I'm gonna be stunning. One day I am gonna be THE GIRL. One day I'm gonna look at you disgustingly for the last time, and since then, I am not gonna look back.

Director's List

| at 10:57 AM

I was thinking about polytechnic. If only I spent the same amount of work when I was in poly, I think I should have already gotten a director's list.

For once in my tertiary life I wanna be good. But now it's over.

GAYA and ICON

| at 11:37 PM

I went to watch GAYA 2010 the musical: The Tale of Sitti Nurbaya with Zita today. Unfortunately, everything wasn't really up to my expectation. I was promised something good by my roommates and my friends (they are involved in the play) but I guess whatever they said were just an overstatement of how the play really was. Wasn't really great. In fact, last year's play was better if I have to compare. Pretty much a disappointment. I hope my roommates won't read this post otherwise I will break their hearts terribly. Thina (HOD Sound and Lighting) practically went home at midnight everyday for the past week just for the play. But seriously, I think all the preparations were done in a rush, thus the final output was not fully maximized.

I really hate my CCA now because the Exco is bullshit. I think I should just be the president. Zzz. I skipped their team bonding retreat because I was too lazy. And besides, I have an EI meeting, IST homework to do, and GAYA to watch. None of them actually supports GAYA, despite the freaking email I sent. Damn, they didn't even freaking reply to it. What International Connection? International Connection MY ASS. I seriously don't think they have the heart for the international students, especially the president. I think they are just there to beef up their CCA records, which is pointless. Serving the international students is my passion and this club is my baby. But now I see that the club, after changing the board of committee, does not seem to go that way. Each one of them is just building up their ego as an exco member, which is, once again, totally bullshit. How I miss the previous Exco. Aye's batch to be exact.

And Guofeng baby I think you are thinking too much.