orangestory

I just read my previous posts and found this:

"All I can say now is hopelessness. I am hopeless for both clubs. I personally don't think that I can endure it until the end of my junior year. I can't even manage my time well. My schoolwork is neglected. I can give neither clubs my 100% commitment. I know it very distinctly that I'm gonna let both clubs go in my senior year. I certainly will."
-Friday, June 30, 2006


I thank The God Almighty that I see a little light of hope in my school work. I aced quite a lot of tests recently. Thank You, Jesus! Sometimes, thinking that I am not even close to God due to the busy life, looking at myself always skipped my quiet time with God, where I can read my Bible, listen to His lovely voice, enjoy being in His embrace... I practically do not have time for all these! I keep on distanting myself with my Creator. Yet, when I have an exam or a test the next day, I always pray that He will help me through.

Take E-Business Management, for example. EBM is practically one of the most important subjects in my diploma, Business IT, and I remember my senior said how tough and scary it was. I thought I flunked my project part 1, coz our report was basically not up to standard, so I studied really hard for my term test. I studied hard, and prayed equally hard. During the EBM practical session, our test papers were given back:

Jackson: What's your admin number?
Louisa: 1132E
Jackson: Oh, I remember you! (He handed my script to me.)

I was very surprised and thought I was dreaming when I saw that red-coloured "49" in the total box. I thought I read wrongly, so I rubbed my eyes. Still 49. Wait. This paper shouldn't be upon 50. I asked Jackson how much the paper is upon, and yes, "fifty" was my answer. My heart was pounding really hard, my hands were shaking a little, my eyes opened, staring at the paper in disbelief. I scored full marks for the MCQ section, which was, speaking of facts, the main reason why the others couldn't do well.

Jackson: I think you scored the highest.
Louisa: You serious?
Jackson: Yeah, serious.

I thanked God the whole day for that result, for making my day, for giving me hope on EBM, for everything, even until now.

Sometimes that stupid devil keeps on reminding me that it doesn't worth my time asking God to help me ace the tests. He will say something like, "Don't dream that God will help you tomorrow. Just see where your position is. You are freakin' far from God, man! See? You NEVER have time for Him. You even have given up reading that Bible. What for you ask Him? He won't have time for you. He won't help you this time. Trust me."

I ignored that voice and asked, anyway, but still telling myself not to be angry or disappointed if God doesn't help me. Guess what happened? God proved His faithfulness. He still remembers me. I aced my papers. He smiled to me when I thanked Him. I apologised for neglecting my spiritual growth, for ignoring what He says, for not being a good daughter...

He smiled again and replied, "Relax! I don't want you to talk to me just because that pleases me. Talk to me because that pleases YOU. In the meantime, don't ever think that I will leave you because of whatever reasons. I will still be here. Right here in your heart."

God really does love me, no matter how far I am from Him. He does not care how hopeless I am, how ugly and disgusting my heart is, how bad my words are.. he just can't help but to die for me, so that I can be saved. He can't help but to love me.

Jesus... You truly are amazing! Please help me find my way back to You, coz being with You is what I desire.

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Don't join a CCA if what you want is none other than CCA Points.

PASSION to LEARN. That what it takes.

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Hey peeps~

Guess everyone is busy with work, yeah.. so am I! Deadlines are haunting me day to day, and the Main Examination is approaching very soon!

There are lots of things I wanna say, express, share. But I just don't know where to start. And don't know how to put all my thoughts into words.

Have you ever pondered and thought of when was the last time you feel thankful? As in, really feel thankful, the feeling that comes purely from your heart. Many people wake up early in the morning and start their days by grumbling, like "Argh, it's morning again! I'm still sleepy, I wanna sleep. Darn. Can't believe it's another day."

Then they look at their 'things to do' list for the day, and Mr. Grumpy starts to appear again, "Oh crap, I need to do that bloody report this afternoon! Sigh, tell me when is my free time?? I am a human, you know!? I need rest!"

Then when they want to have their breakfast, they grumble, "What! I have practically nothing to eat! Bloody hell. Where do all my pastries go? Wait, where are those instant noodles?? Sh*t. Why should I eat instant noodles at this hour?? I'm already late, and now I have to cook!"

Then while waiting for their buses, here what they say, "Oh c'mon bus! My tutor's gonna be fully pissed by my lateness this morning. I mean, it's not my first time being late. Crap. Why is the bus very slow today?"

In campus, they start doing their report, and again, here comes the nags, "Oh how wonderful life is. Guess what? My group mates aren't helping me again this time! What on earth?? This is a group project for whoever's sake! They why am I trapped again doing this alone on my own, working very hard just to accumulate THEIR marks?"

Then lunch time comes. They grumble again because the queue is long, or because the food is lousy, because they lost their money, the list goes on...

Ever wonder why people are so hard to please? Because they are never satisfied!

Think about this:
Early in the morning, you wake up, you can see it's already morning. You can see from your eyes clearly that the sun is already risen, you can hear from your own two ears your alarm clock ringing, you can still breathe Oxygen for free, you can still open your mouth and talk and express your ideas verbally, you can still move your two feet and walk... think about this.

When you look at your 'things-to-do' list, be thankful that you can still live your life with excitement. Think about those people who are not able to do anything, who are restricted from this and that, who are weak, who don't know when their life might end, as it may just end anytime!"

And be thankful that you can still have your breakfast!

When doing your project, think that you are not alone. There are still tutors who are willing to help you when you have doubts. There are other friends who might cheer you up. There are friends who always give you support, even though what they do is just saying "Ganbatte!" to you. Be thankful that those people are still around to charge your batteries.

There are thousands of things that happen everyday. It's your choice to make those thousands REALLY dreadful, or REALLY meaningful.

Enjoy your day today! :)

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Today is my bday. I'm glad that it didn't end up suckily. I thought having a GCC meeting on my bday was a totally awful idea. However, it turned out not that bad. Well, at least it's memorable, even though we played dirty a bit.

When Peilin threw flour on me, I was like, what the hell!!? I just washed my hair this bloody morning, which then caused me to be late for e-Business Mgmt tutorial. And now you sprayed flour on my freaggin' hair?? I couldn't care less, I scooped the flour from the floor and made them white as well!!

I received quite a few birthday gifts from my classmates also. Justin, Suling and Jing Yi, Shahirah, and Crystal (1 packet of Pocky), and surprisingly, both Justin and Suling (and Jing Yi also) gave me a mug with a soft toy inside. What on earth made the both of them think of buying the same stuff? Ok, the designs are totally different, but the fact that the two of them gave me similar presents is still kinda cute.

This year, a lot of my friends sms-ed me happy birthday. It was totally different from last year's. Last year's was completely disappointing. Thinking of it makes me want to throw up. However, remembering that none of my family members -yea, none!- did wish me happy birthday this year, I really don't know which year is better.

Papa, Mama, Sister and Brother, TODAY IS ELEVENTH OF JULY FOR GOODNESS' SAKE!! How can the four of you back there in Jakarta forget this very crucial date??

Ok, I won't yell at them that way (well, perhaps deep inside my heart I am yelling like nobody's business), but please.. please! I know I'm in Singapore and not in Jakarta, but please!!

I felt like completely forgotten, left out, insignificant. Moreover, I have not had the time to call them and talk to them because I have been extremely busy these days. The last time I talked to my mother was 14th June, I think, which was quite a long time ago. However, no matter how rare you see each other or talk to each other, forgetting one of your family member's birthday is way too unnecessary.

I told Jesher and April about this matter, and Jesher told me that THEY are my family. Jesher and the gang are my family and I'm part of them. However, no matter how many friends you have, how fun your friends are, how close you are with them, they are still NOT your family. It's just not enough when you don't get wishes from your own personal family members. They are still incomparable.

To me, if not to others.

Anyways, give thanks to the Lord for all His guidance this past a year, I have been so blessed each day, and I can feel His faithfulness in every single second of my life. No matter how many times I commit a sin, He would still be there waiting for me to come back to Him. And I want to thank Him that I am given a chance to enjoy a day of my life, and realise that I have a lot of friends, who truly care about me.

I just miss the time when my dad used to specially pray for me on my bday.

Last but not least, Happy Eighteenth Birthday to Louisa Zephania Lukas!

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

I went to the morning service today as there would be a bonding session in with the organising committee for the RF project for the youth thingy. Well, at least, that was what I thought, until I found out that the other committee members were not coming, and hence it's just US.

Who do I mean by 'us' were April, Phoebe, Jesher, Terence, Alan, Aaron, Jia Hao, and I. We went to Sentosa beach, had a 'picnic', played frisbee, etc etc etc. After being burnt in Sentosa, we decided to catch "Superman Returns". However, Phoebe and Alan went home as they had something on in the evening.

We went to Sim Lim Square as April needed to pass a CD to someone *cough cough*, then went straight to Bugis Junction for dinner. On the way, Peilin and Kok Ann (not sure how to spell his name) joined us. Howe Luen came after that, when we were having dinner. During dinner time, all we did was craziness. I'm too lazy to type what are the things we did. We then took dots photographs before the movie while waiting for Gerald and Nicholas to arrive and join us.

There are only 2 words to describe 'today': ULTIMATE FUN!~ I have NEVER been to cinemas for such such a loooooooooonnngg loooooonnnggg time. I have been too busy with work until I find playing computer games is actually heaven. I have forgotten how fun it is to hang out with friends.

Yea, I need to get a life. =.=

• 
• 
• 
• 
•