orangestory

I just read my previous posts and found this:

"All I can say now is hopelessness. I am hopeless for both clubs. I personally don't think that I can endure it until the end of my junior year. I can't even manage my time well. My schoolwork is neglected. I can give neither clubs my 100% commitment. I know it very distinctly that I'm gonna let both clubs go in my senior year. I certainly will."
-Friday, June 30, 2006


I thank The God Almighty that I see a little light of hope in my school work. I aced quite a lot of tests recently. Thank You, Jesus! Sometimes, thinking that I am not even close to God due to the busy life, looking at myself always skipped my quiet time with God, where I can read my Bible, listen to His lovely voice, enjoy being in His embrace... I practically do not have time for all these! I keep on distanting myself with my Creator. Yet, when I have an exam or a test the next day, I always pray that He will help me through.

Take E-Business Management, for example. EBM is practically one of the most important subjects in my diploma, Business IT, and I remember my senior said how tough and scary it was. I thought I flunked my project part 1, coz our report was basically not up to standard, so I studied really hard for my term test. I studied hard, and prayed equally hard. During the EBM practical session, our test papers were given back:

Jackson: What's your admin number?
Louisa: 1132E
Jackson: Oh, I remember you! (He handed my script to me.)

I was very surprised and thought I was dreaming when I saw that red-coloured "49" in the total box. I thought I read wrongly, so I rubbed my eyes. Still 49. Wait. This paper shouldn't be upon 50. I asked Jackson how much the paper is upon, and yes, "fifty" was my answer. My heart was pounding really hard, my hands were shaking a little, my eyes opened, staring at the paper in disbelief. I scored full marks for the MCQ section, which was, speaking of facts, the main reason why the others couldn't do well.

Jackson: I think you scored the highest.
Louisa: You serious?
Jackson: Yeah, serious.

I thanked God the whole day for that result, for making my day, for giving me hope on EBM, for everything, even until now.

Sometimes that stupid devil keeps on reminding me that it doesn't worth my time asking God to help me ace the tests. He will say something like, "Don't dream that God will help you tomorrow. Just see where your position is. You are freakin' far from God, man! See? You NEVER have time for Him. You even have given up reading that Bible. What for you ask Him? He won't have time for you. He won't help you this time. Trust me."

I ignored that voice and asked, anyway, but still telling myself not to be angry or disappointed if God doesn't help me. Guess what happened? God proved His faithfulness. He still remembers me. I aced my papers. He smiled to me when I thanked Him. I apologised for neglecting my spiritual growth, for ignoring what He says, for not being a good daughter...

He smiled again and replied, "Relax! I don't want you to talk to me just because that pleases me. Talk to me because that pleases YOU. In the meantime, don't ever think that I will leave you because of whatever reasons. I will still be here. Right here in your heart."

God really does love me, no matter how far I am from Him. He does not care how hopeless I am, how ugly and disgusting my heart is, how bad my words are.. he just can't help but to die for me, so that I can be saved. He can't help but to love me.

Jesus... You truly are amazing! Please help me find my way back to You, coz being with You is what I desire.

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