orangestory

It's been a while since the last time i blogged. Life is getting more and more tiring each day I feel like screaming.

People don't understand me.

It's good to participate actively in extracurricular activities, but I am more concern about my grades rather than ECA whatsoever.

I want to grab as much 'A's as possible, so stop asking me to go here and there and accumulate points. Some weakness in me is that I can't say no to people. I have no heart to disappoint them. Darn. Now I'm in trouble.

I PRACTICALLY WASTED MORE THAN 10x24 HOURS OF MY PRECIOUS REVISING TIME! I want to scream and curse here and there, but God doesn't let me.

Would you stop comparing my life to yours?

I am not talking to one particular person, but to everyone who dares to touch my study week. I come to Singapore to study. My main objective in continuing my education in this darn island is to study. You get me?? I want those 'A's. I want those distinctions! Hell! I want those DHLs!! SO STOP ASKING ME TO DO STUFF DURING MY STUDY WEEK!! I need 3 days to study EBM alone. Tell you what's distracting me?? I HAVE FIVE PAPERS!! I need at least 15 days to revise, and all I have now is less than a week.

Gosh. Did I tell you that I have no heart to disappoint people??? I think I will disappoint my parents when I got no 'A's. No, no. My parents won't SHOW their disappointment (even though I know they are disappointed), But I certainly will disappoint myself. I would feel very extremely bad of myself. I will cry, yes, literally speaking. Let me just be honest. In year 1.1, I scored 1 C for my CommSkills 1. That is a HUGE disappointment! I cried until my parents got fed up. I fell sick. I had no mood to do anything. I felt that I don't deserve to have fun during the vacation. My friends said they scored C for almost all their subjects, I should not be so down if I only got 1.

Whatever. Of course you can stay calm. You are afterall a Singaporean. Tell you what? My parents are earning in Rupiahs so stop thinking that I am a rich b**ch like most of Indonesians in Singapore!! Not yet happy? Ok. My daddy doesn't even have a full-time job. My mum works in a charity organisation, which all of you should know roughly how much she earns. My brother can go to NTU because the Government pays for almost all of his tuition fee. He can stay in the hostel because of the bank loans. I can go to TP because of the Tuition Grant. I still have a 3-year attachment here. My brother and I can continue our education here is only because of God's grace. None of my close relatives has that kind of chance.

Now you know why I want those 'A's really badly?? Because I want to thank my parents for all their hardwork earning those rupiahs, so that I can have a better education and hopefully, have a better future.

Whatever. I'm just being stressed. I am sad. I don't know why should I do this and that. I wish I am not involved in any committee. I wish I could go back this vacation. I wish I could meet my family this vacation. I wish I could walk on the street of Meruya Utara. I wish I could play with my cousins. I wish I could do the wall magazine again. I wish.. I wish.. I wish.. All are wishes.

I miss you mum. I miss you sis. I miss you dad. I miss you frans. I miss you lydia. I miss you han. I miss you ben. I miss you k yessy. I miss you chris. I miss you ci mantha. I miss you gin. I miss you nat. I miss you vin. I miss you yan. I miss you anna. I miss you... I miss all of you...

oh. shut up.

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