orangestory

It's been especially hard to find a job in this kind of economy. Plus, the Singapore government has been reducing quota for foreign talents. I have tried job hunting since July 12, and now is September 7th and I only attended one interview. That wasn't even an interview I have been looking for cos it was for a sales job. Sometimes I wonder, what the hell is wrong with me. I certainly have better qualifications than my friends who graduated from private universities. Why can't employers just bloody hire me?

It's been nearly two months and I can't keep this any longer. I have been really down and low, frustrated to the max, and I have been cutting down my social circle only to avoid being asked the most annoying question of the century: "have you found a job?"

Then I remember my God. I haven't been really close to Him lately. School has made me distant from my groom. I have all the knowledge that God can make anything happen, but why hasn't He done something? Certainly as what my church always says, this year is the year of God's favour. Apart from graduating, I have not received any favour from the Lord. And I had to admit, I graduated with my own strength and struggles. I kind of didn't include God in my 4 years of studies, which explains my sucky grades. I should have relied on Him more, but what is done is done.

I tried fasting and it only went on for one day. I think I didn't do it right. In my opinion, fasting shouldn't be treated as "God-I-have-fasted-so-you-owe-me-one" kind of thing. I think we shouldn't treat fasting as a way to ask God to grant our wishes. Fasting is about killing our flesh. To have less of us and more of God. I stopped fasting after the first day realising that I have done it wrong. I have been acting like a child, sacrificing something so God would give me something else in return for what I did. I think a true Christian mentality wouldn't be like that. Yes, sometimes we need to fast, but only so God could take over everything in us, so that our flesh no longer exists.

As a human being, I feel that I shouldn't ask God for a huge favour right away. It is not polite. Besides, once He granted me a job, I would be so busy doing my work there will be a high chance that I will forget Him again. Like what happened after I kicked start my undergraduate life. Of course, the situations aren't exactly the same. I think I need to rebuild my relationship with Him first thing, and everything will fall in place. Like Matthew 6:33 says, seek Him first and everything else will be added to you.

Damn. I was so frustrated when I first wrote this blog entry, and along the way I started to reevaluate my Christian faith, and I can't believe I have just readjusted my priority. First I wanted a job, but now I want to reestablish my relationship with God.

Anyway, I have been going to church every week and each week I feel that the word of God is speaking to me. Worship God. Know God. Worship God. Know God. Worship God. Know God. Over and over again. It feels like God is calling me to worship and know Him more.... each bloody week.

So today, I attended the Young Adult service. Guess what is the sermon?

To be successful.
In this world, success is defined by how much we earn, how happy and content is our family, how healthy is our body...... but God doesn't define success the same way. He wants us to cast away what we have, and focus on the cross. Do what the Bible teaches you. Focus on the cross, the sufferings, the sacrifices, and not just the promises. Put God as our priority.

After the sermon I listened to a song by Audio Adrenaline called Walk on Water. To be honest, I haven't heard of this song, I didn't even know there is such a song. It seems like the Holy Spirit asked me to listen, and He made it available on YouTube, complete with the lyrics:



Wow! Just WOW! The song really speaks to me. If I keep my eyes on Jesus, I will walk on water. Meaning, if I focus on Him alone, if I fix my eyes on Him, I can do the impossible. It's like, greater is He that is living in me, than he that is in the world.

I shall not be worried. My focus now is to get intimate with my Creator. Thank You God for setting my priorities straight.

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