orangestory: 2011

Eye Infection

A few weeks ago, roomie had an eye infection and I was like, eww whats that thing on your eye? Maybe you should see a doctor.

And guess what. Now I have one too. No kidding. I went out with Jairus on Sunday 4th Dec and I put on my soft lenses and when I took them out, I was like, darn what's that thing on my eye?

I blame you, roomie! Haha. Kidding.

So I went to see the doctor and he told me it is just a tiny thing and it is not harmful. At all. It is caused by one of my eyelashes that was accidentally plucked out due to me rubbing my eye with my bare hand and the bacteria from my fingers entered the pore from where the eyelash supposedly being rooted in and hence the infection. But crap it hurts :( So he gave me this antibiotic cream thingy that I'm supposed to apply on the infected area twice a day. Such a nuisance.

And having an eye infection means no eye make up at all. Let me repeat: At bloody all! Booo!!!! But then again, hello to bright red lips! If I can't wear any eye make up, lipsticks are gonna be my new toys.

Unless I have a lip-infection or something....

BP

| at 9:18 PM

Studying for finals. Never progress since 6pm.

Liar

| at 6:39 PM

How many times should I go through this painful process of losing someone / something that I love?

You came to me and you made me fall for you.
You told me "I'm gonna be here to catch you".
So I fell, only to land into the cold hard ground.

Guys are liars.

Doubt

| at 12:29 PM

Tell me you love me?

Why?

| at 7:48 PM

It's been a month. But I .. am not .. satisfied. :(

Jadikan Aku Indah

| at 8:31 PM

Ku datang ya Bapa, dalam kerinduan

Memandang keindahanMu

Kuberikan s'galanya, semuanya yang ada

Ku ingin menyenangkan hatiMu oh Tuhan

Jadikan aku indah, yang Kau pandang mulia

Seturut karyaMu di dalam hidupku

Ajarku berharap hanya kepadaMu

Taat dan setia kepadaMu Tuhan

11 July 2008.

| at 12:13 AM

baby .. I still miss you. Three years ago, at this very date, you mentioned the L-word to me. Where are you now?

Friendship

| at 8:55 PM

Thank God for friendship.

For friendships last when relationships don't.

Say a little prayer

| at 10:59 AM

Dear God, i want a tall and handsome and whatever-the-bible-teaches-us-to-be kind of man.

Amen.

Faith vs Love

| at 10:03 PM

I wish love was the way to show us our soul mate. But no, you can love someone and then realize that the person you fell in love with isn't exactly meant to be yours. Even if he/she loves you back. Heartbreaking as it sounds, but still you are expected to be faithful that you will soon find that special someone, even though it is hard for you to believe that there will be anyone that can be better than him/her. Funny because I always thought that among faith, hope, and love, the greatest thing of all is love. But in this kind of situation, i think having faith is the hardest thing to do. Falling in love is easy, but having faith is difficult.

Segala Sesuatu Ada Waktunya

| at 11:32 PM

Sometimes when God closes one door, often we forget that He opens another.

This situation is not at all easy to cope. But I know one day instead of looking at all those beautiful days we had with tears on my eyes, I will look at these painful days I have with a smile on my face.

Someday in the future I will know why God lets this happened. I know slowly but surely I am becoming a much better person. He is the potter and I am the clay. He will shape me from a worthless clay to a precious artwork. But in order to transform from clay to a vase, there is a process. And that process, is not smooth and painless. All I have to do is let the potter mold me.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, "God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end."

I don't know why God let this happen now, because I am a human being. I don't know what He has done and will do from the beginning to the end. But what the Bible assures us is that, everything happens for a reason and the end will always be beautiful. There is a time to cry and there is a time to smile. There is a time for everything on this Earth. There is a time for break ups and betrayals as well.

Sekarang yang mesti kita lakukan adalah nurut sama apa yang bakal diperbuat sama penenun kita. Kalo kita malah milih untuk jalan sesuai dengan rencana kita, rencana Dia nggak bakalan berjalan dengan sempurna. Bejana itu juga ngga akan selesai dengan sempurna. Makanya kadang kita mikir, ih apa2an sih. Knapa jadinya begini??? Terus kita maksa2in juga buat semuanya tetep berjalan sesuai dengan kehendak kita. Alhasil rencana Tuhan jadi berantakan, dan kita juga nggak dapetin yang terbaik yg seharusnya kita dapatkan. Tuhan tahu yang terbaik buat kita. Kalo kita nggak nurut sama kehendak Dia, apa yang kita dapetin juga pasti bukan yang terbaik. Jadi percaya aja. Percaya, Louisa. Percaya aja.

Apapun yang kamu alamin saat ini, Louisa, nggak bakalan melebihi kekuatan kamu. Tuhan tahu apa yang terbaik buat kamu. Mungkin kamu pikir semua ini jahat dan ngga adil, namun Dia tahu apa yang paling bagus buat kamu. Nggak mungkin Tuhan biarin semua ini terjadi tanpa ada maksud yang khusus. Dia pasti ada rencana lain. Pasti. Percaya aja. Dan percaya kalo rencana itu adalah YANG PALING OKE buat kamu. Berserah boleh, tapi percaya juga dengan iman.

Jadi plis, Louisa, jangan nangis terus. Kamu pasti bisa ngelewatin ini semua. Suatu saat nanti, kamu bakalan punya cerita yang bagus banget buat disaksiin ke banyak orang. Cerita tentang kamu berjalan ngelewatin lembah-lembah air mata. Cerita tentang kamu jatuh di dalam dosa. Cerita tentang kamu berteriak minta tolong. Cerita tentang kamu kesepian. Cerita tentang kamu ketakutan. Cerita tentang kamu memutuskan kamu ga bisa terus menangis. Cerita tentang kamu akhirnya mulai percaya sama Sang Pencipta. Cerita tentang mujizat Dia. Cerita tentang gimana kamu ngalamin lawatan Tuhan. Cerita tentang gimana kamu berubah. Cerita yang mengubah banyak orang.

Sentuh Hatiku

| at 8:50 PM

Betapa kumencintaiMU
Segala yang t'lah terjadi
Tak pernah sendiri jalani hidup ini
Selalu Menyertai

Betapa kumenyadari
Di dalam hidupku ini
KAU selalu memberi rancangan terbaik
Oleh karena kasih

BAPA, sentuh hatiku, ubah hidupku
Menjadi yang baru
Bagai emas yang murni
Kau membentuk bejana hatiku

BAPA, ajarku mengerti
Sebuah kasih yang selalu memberi
Bagai air mengalir yang tiada pernah berhenti

Baby don't you know

| at 12:31 PM

Baby don't you know that I still love you

Baby don't you know that my heart breaks each time you talk to her

Baby don't you know that as long as I am psycho-ing myself that I deserve someone better, I fall even harder whenever I see you?

Baby don't you know that you have been the star of my heart?

Baby I gave you my heart and you told me you would protect and take care of it forever.

But instead of keeping that promise you break it hard, and you told your family members to help you break it even harder.

And you came back and not only you returned that broken heart to me, you showed off your brand new heart given by someone else...

While I have nothing.

Nothing and nobody.

You told me not to cry, you told me not to be sad. But tell me how baby. Tell me how not to cry when the person I trusted the most, the person I was willing to give all my heart and soul to, had just betrayed me. Tell me.

And when I was so so angry at you, you blamed me, and you asked me why I was angry as if I had no rights to do so.

Maybe I am so stupid to say this but I miss you.

I miss being your number one.

Regret

| at 10:02 AM

What hurt me really badly is how I have wasted this time not preaching the gospel more to him. Because while he knows Jesus is good and he prays before meals and stuff, I am not completely sure how it means for him to truly know Jesus and let Him takeover whatever difficult circumstances he might face. I know the decision he had to make is extremely difficult - to choose between a girl or his family - both are the ones he truly loves deeply.

He chose his family, and sacrifice the only girl he wants to marry.

But if only he involves God in the decision making: the result might be the same though. But at least he will not be too hurry making this decision, and the impact might not be as harsh. Because I know He is gentle.

My only wish and prayer is not for him to be happy with his family (although I should by right do that) but my only prayer is for him to know Jesus more, and to always be holding on to God in his life.

When Things Don't Work Out

| at 1:10 PM

When things don't work out in a relationship, just think that maybe he's not meant for me.

Unless you are married. Man, that sucks if you are married and things don't work out between you and your spouse. Especially when you have kids. GG.

I won't wanna be in that situation.

Thank You

| at 10:20 AM

This post is dedicated to my appreciation to my friends who has stood by me all these days. And also to God. He heals my broken heart faster than anything else. He clearly told me that He has something better in-store for me.

Thank you to those who has listened to my unbelievable break-up story (I still can't believe it, let alone digest it). You guys are extra excellent.

RR: thanks for reminding me that he will never be happy. That boosts my ego. Lol.

YA: Thanks for listening.

WK: Girl thank you!! Thank you so much. I know you are the one who understands the most, because you know him well enough and you have been through all this similar shit as well in the past. Not with the same guy though but who cares. And help me scold him in Chinese when he's back. Haha.

FI: Thank you sis for reminding me of God and His plans. I went to Him and my heart amazingly stopped bleeding. It still hurts, but at least the blood has stopped dripping.

Abba Father, my God and Saviour Jesus Christ, through the form of the Holy Spirit: Thank You for everything, for this life You have given me. Though it may not be so smooth but You promised that You will be there at all times to hold my hand. And THANK YOU for keeping that promise, although I may have forgotton You many times, but You are still there, watching over me with love and showing me how to live. I thought all the "future" I have created with him for three years is already crushed within days, but You told me "Hey. Why worry about the future? I created the future. Don't ever worry on that one." Then You told me to flip to Jeremiah 29: 11-14. You showed me a much more fabulous future You created for me. You closed this one little door but You opened a way much bigger door for me. Thank You so much.

While I am still broken and crushed, I am slowly building up again. Building up to a much stronger person, a much better individual.

I'm now single!

| at 9:26 PM

Welcome to Singlehood !!!

Mirror.

| at 11:49 PM

Please look to yourself first before condemning someone about something. You may commit the same crime as well.

I do have a mirror. Unlike you.

Crap

| at 11:34 AM

Crap happens.

In my case, all the time.

All the crapping time.

| at 8:14 PM

BUSY!!! DO NOT DISTURB!!!

rasanya pengen nyari liang buat sembunyi dari semua ini.

| at 2:41 PM

i wanna have a secret hiding place where i can forget everything and be whoever i want to be without concerning how everyone will think about me.

and it kinda sucks to have an ever-knowing God because, well, if I want to hide, I want to hide. I don't want to have someone to look after me knowing everything, including reading my mind.

i want to be in a place where i can shout and cry to sleep.

i want to be able to have a spell to make everyone forget about me. Obliviate. Hermione, please teach me that spell.

This place sucks.

| at 11:25 PM

Sucks as hell. I am so gonna leave this country once I have fulfilled my tuition grant contract of working for 3 years.

Damn, i have a bad feeling that this 3 years will be worse than hell.

I don't like being in Singapore.

Maybe.

| at 7:12 PM

maybe I should go back to God. Maybe I should consider Him as my only friend, once again. I mean, who needs a best friend right?

Life sucks now.

i can curse the freak off now so go the freak away

| at 4:59 PM

First. it sucks when your friend chooses someone else over you just because she can have a lot more fun with that person as compared to being with you.

Second. My internship is rejected.

Third. My other guy friends just went on holidays without me and they like to gossip. Although they asked me to hang out for dinner, I am very sure they just wanna gossip away people they met on holidays, stuff that I don't particularly care about.

Fourth. My effin teammate talks effin rudely, directly pointing at me in the e-mail. She clearly doesn't like me.

Fifth. My friend forgot to pay me back the money they borrowed recently.

Can't Choose

| at 12:32 AM

We can't choose a family, but we can choose a boyfriend.

Also, we can't choose whether or not to live, but we can choose how to live our lives.

So now tell me, if I do love him and this life I'm living is mine,

why can't I be with him?

Why am I afraid so much that my aunts and uncles would criticize me, that my cousins would look down on me, that my friends would laugh at me?

Who and what are they? Why are they making decisions for my happiness? I am the one who FEEL the happiness, and I feel HAPPIEST whenever I'm around him.

This is my life and not theirs. Right?

Homecooked food.

| at 2:13 PM

I finally gave up eating at the hawker centre near my flat and whipped up some meat and chicken seaweed porridge.

No, I purposely wanted porridge. It wasn't because of failed rice. I know how to cook rice and right now, I just wanted some nice hot porridge. Secondly, with porridge, I could cook in 'bulk' and save up for later without it turning ugly, unlike rice.

Hello Louisa's homecooked food. It's been so long since we last met in Somerset! :)

Baju Kembar

| at 4:34 PM

kadang gw sebel kalo mesti pake baju kembaran. as in, pake baju kembaran berduaan sama anak cewek lain. misalnya nih, mama gw beliin baju kembaran buat cici gw dan gw, untuk dipake pas natal. gw sebel. gw malu. knapa? karna menurut gw, baju kembaran itu cuma buat anak kecil, dan gue uda bukan anak kecil lagi.

tapi gimana kalo situasinya kayak gini:

lu punya temen maen 5 orang (jadi sama lu 6 orang). terus mereka ngajak lu jalan2 keluar bareng ke mall ato ke mana lah... terus pas lu ketemu sama mereka, ternyata kelima2 temen lu semua pake T-shirt yang sama. lu doang yang beda. parahnya lagi, lu sama sekali ga punya t-shirt itu. terus lu tanya, "koq pada pake kembaran?" dan mereka jawab, "iya soalnya kmaren pas kita lagi pegi shopping lu ga ada" duh. obvious banget gw ga ada, makanya gw ga punya. misalnya hal itu terjadi sama lu, apa yang bakal lu rasain?

terus terang, kalo gue, gue akan ngerasa left out. gue akan ngerasa gw bukan bagian dari mereka, padahal tiap hari di kampus selalu main sama mereka. mnurut gw gapapa sih mereka beli baju samaan dan gue ga punya, secara gw emang ga mau buang2 duit buat beli baju yang gw ga suka. tapi kenapa? kenapa mesti pake baju kembaran padahal mereka semua tau kalo gue ga punya bajunya? gw bakal ngerasa gw salah kostum, gw bakal ngerasa gw nyamukin mereka, gw akan ngerasa gw kayak filem2 high school hollywood yang nyeritain tentang kehidupan seorang cewek biasa2 yang pengen masuk ke dalam group cewek2 populer di sekolahnya. itu yang gue rasain. awkward. malu. not included. outsider.

i know mungkin gw lebay ato apa lah. terserah. but i know i am not the only one who feels the same. i believe if you ask people, there are some girls who also feel this way. cobain deh sendiri.

25 Random Questions Tag & 20 Questions Tag

| at 7:46 PM

1. Do you have any pets?

Not in Singapore but I have 50 fishes in Jakarta and we keep them in a fish pond with its cute little waterfall.

2. Name 3 things that are physically close to you.

Apart from my computer stuff like mouse and all, I have beside me my scented candle (currently burning "Welcome Christmas" by Yankee Candle), my nail polishes (because I just painted my nails), and my water bottle (so that I don't forget to drink!)

3. What's the weather like right now?
It doesn't seem to rain so it should be windy since it is at night.

4. Do you drive? If so have you crashed?
No I don't drive. Not even in Jakarta. Why? Because I moved to Singapore when I was 14, and everybody knows if you live in Singapore you don't even need a car. Secondly, in Indonesia, the legal age to drive is 17 so when I turned 17, I practically have had no time until now to go for driving lessons and practice driving myself because whenever I go back it would be only for approximately 2 weeks long. You know you won't be able to drive in Jakarta if you don't practice, even after you've got your license for years.

5. What time did you wake up this morning?

9:30 am

6. When was the last time you showered?

a few hours ago. I don't recall the time I shower but it shouldn't be too long ago.

7. What was the last movie you saw?

That would be Tron.

8. What does your last text message say?

It says, "kawan gue cabut dulu ya, mpe jumpa bbrp bln lg!"

9. What's your ringtone?

My phone vibrates. Lol. It doesn't ring.

10. Have you ever been to a different country?

Yes. I was born in Jakarta, Indonesia and currently I'm studying in Singapore so that's one. Apart from that I've been to Malaysia (JB, KL, Genting Highlands, Cameron Highlands, Malacca), Taiwan (Taichung and Taipei), and China (Hangzhou and Puyang). I have transited in a few places in China like Fuzhou, Zhengzhou, Chengdu, but I didn't quite walk around the place and only stayed in the airport for hours simply because I was afraid to get lost (I was in Chengdu for 5 hours!). My next destination would probably be Korea (I am currently praying for God to give me the opportunity!)

11. Do you like sushi?

Sushi is probably the only Japanese food that I really really like. I eat Japanese food like Ramen, Takoyaki, etc but I don't really crave for them or love the very much to death. However, Sushi is probably the only thing that can get me really really excited.

12. Where do you buy your groceries?

Local grocery stores that I pass by, like Carrefour or Fairprice.

13. Have you ever taken medication to help you fall asleep faster?

Nope. I normally don't get any trouble sleeping, unless I am super excited over something.

14. How many siblings do you have?

Two. One elder sister and one elder brother.

15. Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?

In Singapore I only own a laptop. In Jakarta? My current laptop and we have two shared computers which nobody uses.

16. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?

Twenty three.

17. Do you wear contacts or glasses?

Both. It depends on my mood.

18. Do you color your hair?

I used to color it purplish red. It grew and so I colored it purplish black and it grew again and it looked pretty ugly cos when it was short I straightened them (so it looked like the roots were rather wavy but the ends were straight). Then I chopped them short so the color now is my natural color. I am probably thinking of coloring my hair again.

19. Tell me something you are planning to do today.

Doing homework.

20. When was the last time you cried?

Totally no idea.

21. What is your perfect pizza topping?

Pepperoni and Mozzarella Cheese

22. Which do you prefer-hamburgers or cheeseburgers?

Cheeseburgers!

23. Have you ever had an all-nighter?

Of course, when I was busy with school work, all-nighter is my only choice.

24. What is your eye color?
Dark brown almost black.

25. Can you taste the difference between Pepsi and Coke?

Not really. A lot of people say they taste different but to me they are all the same.

Now move on to the 20 Questions!

1.Thing you cannot leave the house without

My keys!

2.Favorite brand of makeup

I would probably opt for Hues Cosmetics. They are amazing with prompt shipping and great customer service!

3.Favorite Flowers

Sunflowers!

4.Fav clothing stores

Random stores in some malls in Jakarta! Lol. I don't really shop for clothes anymore cos I have had way too many. But I like to shop at Bugis Street and Far East Plaza.

5.Fav perfume

It has to be Rose by Paul Smith for now.

6.Heels or flats

I love heels because they make me look taller. If only heels are more comfortable. :(

7.Do you make good grades?

I used to make good grades since I was 3 up to when I was 19. After that I went to college and my grades went down drastically and they have never been up since :(

8.Fav colors

Pastel Pink, Bright Orange, Navy Blue, Maroon Red, Lime Green, Neon Yellow.

9.Do you drink energy drinks?

You mean Redbull? I do drink them but not on a regular basis and most of the time I got them for free. (It's good to be an SMU student!!)

10.Do you drink juice?

Yes! And I drink juice straight from the fruit itself. I don't buy those juice cartons from the supermarkets.

11.Do you like swimming?

I can swim but it's been months since the last time I swam.

12.Do you eat fries with a fork?

It depends. If you're talking about McDonald's fries, I prefer to use my fingers. But the cheesy fries at KFC? Give me that fork, baby.

13.Whats your fav moisturizer?

Face moisturizer would have to be the one from Mustika Ratu. For body moisturizer I'm currently using Body Shop's Olive Body Butter and it's amazing.

14.Do you want to get married later on in life?

No. I wanna get married as soon as possible!

15.Do you get mad easily?

If I'm in a not so good mood, it's easier for me to get mad. So it depends.

16.Are you into ghost hunting?

What? No. Of course not. I'd rather be God-hunting. Not that I wanna hunt God down or something. What I meant was like going around looking for the presence of God.

17.Any phobias?

Cuts and bruises. I have some irks for blood too.

18.Do you bite your nails?

Yes!!! That kinda sucks because it ruins my painted nails!

19.Have you ever had a near death experience?

One taxi nearly banged into me when I was crossing the road. Not that I was jaywalking. The light for pedestrians was green for goodness' sake but the taxi driver was sort of day dreaming while driving so he didn't see that the traffic light for cars was red and he was supposed to stop. I could hear the brake and the taxi stopped like less than five centimeters before me. I swear if he didn't brake earlier I would have already crashed. And worse thing of all? He didn't even apologize.

20.Do you drink coffee?

Yes I do. I'm a "social coffee drinker". Coffee tastes good but I hate how it makes my breath kinda stinks.

New Year Resolution

| at 7:13 PM

I think it's time for me to get serious with my resolution but at the same time, I am pretty skeptical that it will be successful. So what I will do is to keep this resolution last for only 3 months, and do my own evaluation in end of March 2011. In April, I will make a new resolution and so on. Hopefully I will achieve better this time. So here they are (I try to keep them as reasonable as possible):

1) Drink more water, like at least 2.5 litre a day. Sodas, and coffee NOT included. Not even tea.

I'm not saying that I can't drink soda or anything, but if I ever drink them, I will still make sure that my PLAIN WATER intake will reach 2.5 litre a day. So I will always carry a water bottle with me (500 ml) and make sure that in a day, I get to refill them 4 times. I will keep this resolution off my list only when it has become a habit that I can't even take them off my daily routines.

Drinking plenty of water will really help in your overall wellbeing. I notice that when I drink a lot, I will pee a lot, which means more toxins are going to be released out from my body. Also, I noticed that ever since I started drinking a lot, I NEVER get any ulcers. Even when I bite my own lips or tongue when I eat, the ulcer will just go away in... 2 hours? Or is it shorter than that? I'm super serious. I don't remember what it's like to get ulcers anymore, thanks to my water. And of course, I get a lot more benefits those experts mention about drinking plenty of water.

But this hasn't grown attached to me, as in, I don't really drink that much regularly, which means sometimes I forgot my water bottle and can't be bothered to purchase a bottled water, so I will still keep this in my resolution.

2) Grow my hair!

OH HAIR PLEASE GROW FASTER!

3) Get an internship

Ok that's all for march. Super easy resolution huh?

| at 3:58 PM

When I see your face or your pictures with your girl, I don't know why it hurts so much. No. This is insane. This can't be happening.

you look awfully similar to my boy.

Maybe that's why.

orangestory