orangestory

The title so good ah? HAAHA . REALLY.

Today was the D-day. We finally submitted our MP Technical Documentation and WAAAHH I was sooooooooooo relieved. But too bad, we have the stupid PracTech problem 2 so we can't really have fun yet. The four of us - Shana, Shahirah, Justin, and I did not sleep for the entire night, went to school with the leftover energy that we had, printed leftover stuff, burnt all copies to CD for our softcopy submission, printed the stupid poster I did for my Project Showcase, and so on and so forth. We came to school rather early, but submitted late still. Poor thing.

After submission, we went to the library and watched Helen the Baby Fox. A Jap movie (based on true story) abt this young boy who found a deaf, blind, and mute baby fox and named it Helen (after Helen Keller). The boy showed love and care towards this little fox, taught her lots of things like wind, water, seabreeze, etc... became the "little Sullivan" towards this fox, and apparently acted as her "mother".

The love that the boy gave to the fox was remarkable, over-touching, and beyond-the-ordinary. Even when the baby fox was gonna die, the boy still made sure that it died well. I mean, make sure that she died happy. Lol. TOUCHING!!

It was soooo so sad that my three friends cried. YES! With tears!! In school!! I was there looking at them cried i didnt know what to do, like whether I should act sad or whether I should just be myself and laugh at them. LOL! And I chose the latter. WAKAKAKAK. Okay I know I'm evil.

It was a sad show and it was clearly written on the box cover that if you dont cry after watching, you totally have no soul (-_-")

I didn't cry. AT ALL. Does that mean I have no soul???

I CRIED watching one litre of tears okay!!

I have emotions too. Just that the show did not move me THAT much? I dont know, maybe because they were not really real and I couldnt relate it to my own life, even though it mightbe based on a true story? Replace the baby fox with a human being, I WOULD DEFINITELY CRY! Really!














And seeing a guy cried over a touching movie was just so unexpected. Okay I saw my brother cried watching one litre of tears too but i didnt really give a damn.

Not becoz I didnt care, but BECOZ I WAS ALSO THERE CRYING. HAHAH.

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HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tired.

Shagged.

Projects are killers.

My grave is five miles away.
I am reaching it, soon enough.

So many things to do, so little time.

I DESPISE PROJECT MADNESS SEASON!!!!

And photoshop... OH I AM SICK OF PHOTOSHOP CAN!!

God, please give me 30 hours a day.

.....

~__~'

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I finally went out with ex- GCC main committee for daisy's farewell to Australia. That was so fun!! VERY FUN!

I reached home at 3:15 AM, thanks to Ron for driving so I didn't have to waste my bux on cab fares.

There were lots of funny incidents that happened, I am too lazy to reveal them here. Anyways. We went to Marina South for steamboat, only to find that the steamboat places were all gone. Dead town. Evacuated, like silent hill. Serious.

So we went to vivocity for Marche. Then spent the time eating funny stuff and having carrot + orange juice - thanks to me for suggesting. I couldn't help but to loooove the colour. Ronald told us its a Super Ring Juice (super ring snacks that has that kinda orange colour, lol).

There were 8 of us -- Daisy, Ronald, April, Jesher, Jane, Ye Tun, Terence, and I. Fun fun!!! Even though we kinda regret that Peilin, Isaiah, and Stephie were unable to join us.

Next we went to Clarke Quay to chill. We went to cafe Iguana and had some Margarita and Nachos. The nachos was damn euuuww... the first time we looked at it. It tasted funny too but not bad, overall. We couldn't drink too much coz Ron was driving, so we were kinda being considerate towards him (actually we just didn't wanna die yet as he's giving a lift to EVERYONE. So we just wanna reach home safely. Hahahah).

We played truth or dare and lots of secrets revealed. Hahaha. Went home very late, next day need to wake up early for service.... Shagged, but satisfied.

I love you guys.

Below are some pictures:

MARCHE~!!

Can you see a little crab there? Lol!!!

CARROT + ORANGE JUICE ROCKS... Lol.
(Okay obviously the drink was my choice coz I simply love the colour!!)

Guys....

This is what Cafe Iguana calls NACHOS ~___~"
Somehow, it looks like salad to us...

Go, Ronald!!! Go!!! Lol.

Margarita Toast!!

In front of Clarke Quay. At dawn.

Its just us........

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So you wanna avoid me forever huh? Fine!

How was it like today? Didn't you realise that today I totally did not address a single word to you?? Not even one question??? Compare today with yesterday and the day before and the day before that.

I was too tired of you answering me coldly. I was to tired to mend everything and start everything all over again (and yes, end it differently, idiot!) without you being cooperative enough. I was too tired of you being a JERK.

What do you think I am doing??? I just wanna be your friend, and yet, this is how you treat me back. And you know what? I understand your standpoint, trust me. I've been in your situation too, the exact same situation (okay, maybe not. but similar).

I did tell you before I was close to a guy, didn't I? And I told you that between me and him, there's something that I don't feel right. He's not the guy I'm looking for. I can blabber all reasons why in this post, but I don't think that's necessary. The thing is, I did not have anything for him, not a feeling.

And yes, like you, I played his game. I showed him concerns and made him believe that I liked him back. When knowing this, I was like, oh my goodness. What am I supposed to do to tell him that I actually have nothing towards him? I had no choice but to continue showering him with care like what I had done all along. I always thought of ditching him but I did not have the heart to. I felt that I was the evil one if I just ditch him like that. The thing is, I had made him believe that I like him, it's too hurting to reveal the truth.

Sounds familiar?

However, unlike you, I had no other guys that I liked at that point of time.

Now, let's talk about the second assumption. The situation was a bit different from you, but the thing is, I was using him. As you have known before, my primary love language was act of service. Well, he owns a car and he always gave me a ride.

Can you guess the rest of the story?

But I ditched him in the end. And yes, until now, we do not talk. I always avoid him. But his case is different from my case because, he made no effort in mending the friendship. Whereas I did. To no avail, unfortunately.

I understand it just feels different and we can never talk like the way we used to be. But can you just admit it? Can you just stop hiding from the fact? Can you just stop lying to yourself??? It's clear that we are not acting NORMAL. We are FAR from normal. The way you talk to me was not the way you talked to me the first time we met. I remembered it correctly in Mac Bras Basah, our first MP meeting, we have already JOKED!! And we almost shared a cab!! Compared to now, we do not even talk to each other properly. Admit it, idiot.

I understand it just feels awkward. There's a huge gap between us. That's why I'm trying to build a bridge. But you, being at the other end, show me no support. Don't you wanna be friends? Do you enjoy the deafening silence? I shall stop building then. I'm too tired of doing things myself.

But one thing for sure, I now know that you are a total waste of my time and does not worth going after. I do not expect anything from you. So, don't be afraid of me. Just be yourself lah! I know I make you laugh, I know you wanna talk to me, I know you miss being my friend............... Just admit it.

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I wanna forget about you,
forget about what has happened.

I wanna forget the hurtful process,
the pain that's terribly affect my soul.

I wanna forget the heartache,
and dozens of healing pills consumed.

I wanna begin everything again from the start,
and end it differently.

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I was in Town on Saturday night and on the way home, my iPod played me this song called Salahkah, by Tompi.

At first I wasn't really paying attention on the lyrics, but when I finally did, I realised that it was a very emo one. I will translate the lyrics into English for the sake of the non-Indonesian speaking readers.

Tompi - Salahkah


(click on the imeem above to listen to the song)

Salahkah bila ku mendua
Salahkah bila rasa itu ada
Dan aku tak lagi merasa engkau ada
Dan cintaku seolah jenuh akan hatimu

Reff:
Kasih tinggalkanlah diriku tuk selamanya
Biarkan ku sendiri
Cukup bagi diriku melukai hatimu
Kasih tinggalkanlah diriku tuk selamanya
Biarkan aku
Mungkin kau akan bahagia dengan dia, yang lain

Tak perlu kau memohon untuk kembali
Tak perlu kau memohon cintaku
Tiada lagi ruang di hatiku
Yg tersisa untukmu

Repeat reff

Sungguh ku pun tak bisa
Untuk tetap mencintaimu
Sungguh ku takkan bisa
Untuk selalu menyayangimu

Sungguh ku tak bisa
Untuk tetap mencintaimu selamanya
Pergilah kasih tinggalkan aku

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English Translation:


Tompi - Is It Wrong

Is it wrong if I like her
Is it wrong if there's a feeling
And I feel that you're no longer there
And my love loses excitement to your heart

Chorus:
Love, please let go of me forever
Leave me alone
Enough for me to hurt you
Love, please let go of me forever
Care not about me
Perhaps you'll be better of with a different man

You need not plead me to come back
Need not ask for my love
There's no more room in my heart
That's left for you

Repeat chorus

I really can't hold on to love you
I really am unable to always adore you
I can't love you forever
Go, my love. Leave me.


Okay let me explain. I am not focusing on what the song says because to me it was wrong. You ask me is it wrong, to me yes, it is!

My pastor taught us on the value of keeping our integrity and no more compromises. Firstly, relationship is about commitment, and why the heck did you compromise until you have feelings for another woman??? Correct me if i'm wrong, but things will not go until like what the song says unless you allow yourself to get interested with her even further after you realised that sparkles start to occur. True? If only you did not compromise. If only you control yourself. If only.

And what about integrity? Dude, you have a girlfriend already, you sure have told her directly or indirectly that "I want to be with you". That what makes you a couple! How can you say to her to leave you forever???? And do you know how hard it is for her to do so? And how hurting it is for her that you told her to let go of you because you don't want her anymore????

Okay, enough of me getting angry to Tompi. It's not his fault anyway, he's just a singer. It may not be his choice to sing this song either. But people, I learnt the values of integrity, commitment, determination and motivation. Well, fortunately or unfortunately, relationship involves all these. It's not always at all rosy. No more compromises, please.

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HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!

Okay, this is not going to be a happy post but a rather emo one. If you hate emotions and bitterness, then stop reading from this point onwards.

Well. This new year as I reflect back to what I have done in the year 2007, especially to what has recently happened, I finally learnt something the hard way: Do not be too nice to people.

I am too naive I was always afraid to hurt people. Guess whats the result? I got hurt.

I built a freaking wall to protect myself ever since I entered Poly, and in the year 2007 when I was determined to destroy the wall, I was cut deep.

The year 2008, I am not going to build another wall. Instead, I will equip myself with weapons in order to protect myself.

But dont worry, I would still be open to people. However, once Im attacked by some morons, do not think I will just give in like that. I have got weapons. I am no longer the Louisa you know.

And to you: please note that you are an idiot. i dont care how you gonna live your life, and dont come to me once you are broken. and i bet you will be broken, eventually. by the time it happens, I am no longer willing to be there for you. And dont try to symphatize with me coz you are the one whom you should feel sorry for. And again if you didn't catch the previous one, you are an idiot.

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