Say a little prayer
Dear God, i want a tall and handsome and whatever-the-bible-teaches-us-to-be kind of man.
Amen.
Faith vs Love
I wish love was the way to show us our soul mate. But no, you can love someone and then realize that the person you fell in love with isn't exactly meant to be yours. Even if he/she loves you back. Heartbreaking as it sounds, but still you are expected to be faithful that you will soon find that special someone, even though it is hard for you to believe that there will be anyone that can be better than him/her. Funny because I always thought that among faith, hope, and love, the greatest thing of all is love. But in this kind of situation, i think having faith is the hardest thing to do. Falling in love is easy, but having faith is difficult.
Segala Sesuatu Ada Waktunya
Sometimes when God closes one door, often we forget that He opens another.
This situation is not at all easy to cope. But I know one day instead of looking at all those beautiful days we had with tears on my eyes, I will look at these painful days I have with a smile on my face.
Someday in the future I will know why God lets this happened. I know slowly but surely I am becoming a much better person. He is the potter and I am the clay. He will shape me from a worthless clay to a precious artwork. But in order to transform from clay to a vase, there is a process. And that process, is not smooth and painless. All I have to do is let the potter mold me.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, "God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end."
I don't know why God let this happen now, because I am a human being. I don't know what He has done and will do from the beginning to the end. But what the Bible assures us is that, everything happens for a reason and the end will always be beautiful. There is a time to cry and there is a time to smile. There is a time for everything on this Earth. There is a time for break ups and betrayals as well.
Sekarang yang mesti kita lakukan adalah nurut sama apa yang bakal diperbuat sama penenun kita. Kalo kita malah milih untuk jalan sesuai dengan rencana kita, rencana Dia nggak bakalan berjalan dengan sempurna. Bejana itu juga ngga akan selesai dengan sempurna. Makanya kadang kita mikir, ih apa2an sih. Knapa jadinya begini??? Terus kita maksa2in juga buat semuanya tetep berjalan sesuai dengan kehendak kita. Alhasil rencana Tuhan jadi berantakan, dan kita juga nggak dapetin yang terbaik yg seharusnya kita dapatkan. Tuhan tahu yang terbaik buat kita. Kalo kita nggak nurut sama kehendak Dia, apa yang kita dapetin juga pasti bukan yang terbaik. Jadi percaya aja. Percaya, Louisa. Percaya aja.
Apapun yang kamu alamin saat ini, Louisa, nggak bakalan melebihi kekuatan kamu. Tuhan tahu apa yang terbaik buat kamu. Mungkin kamu pikir semua ini jahat dan ngga adil, namun Dia tahu apa yang paling bagus buat kamu. Nggak mungkin Tuhan biarin semua ini terjadi tanpa ada maksud yang khusus. Dia pasti ada rencana lain. Pasti. Percaya aja. Dan percaya kalo rencana itu adalah YANG PALING OKE buat kamu. Berserah boleh, tapi percaya juga dengan iman.
Jadi plis, Louisa, jangan nangis terus. Kamu pasti bisa ngelewatin ini semua. Suatu saat nanti, kamu bakalan punya cerita yang bagus banget buat disaksiin ke banyak orang. Cerita tentang kamu berjalan ngelewatin lembah-lembah air mata. Cerita tentang kamu jatuh di dalam dosa. Cerita tentang kamu berteriak minta tolong. Cerita tentang kamu kesepian. Cerita tentang kamu ketakutan. Cerita tentang kamu memutuskan kamu ga bisa terus menangis. Cerita tentang kamu akhirnya mulai percaya sama Sang Pencipta. Cerita tentang mujizat Dia. Cerita tentang gimana kamu ngalamin lawatan Tuhan. Cerita tentang gimana kamu berubah. Cerita yang mengubah banyak orang.
Sentuh Hatiku
Betapa kumencintaiMU
Segala yang t'lah terjadi
Tak pernah sendiri jalani hidup ini
Selalu Menyertai
Betapa kumenyadari
Di dalam hidupku ini
KAU selalu memberi rancangan terbaik
Oleh karena kasih
BAPA, sentuh hatiku, ubah hidupku
Menjadi yang baru
Bagai emas yang murni
Kau membentuk bejana hatiku
BAPA, ajarku mengerti
Sebuah kasih yang selalu memberi
Bagai air mengalir yang tiada pernah berhenti
Baby don't you know
Baby don't you know that I still love you
Baby don't you know that my heart breaks each time you talk to her
Baby don't you know that as long as I am psycho-ing myself that I deserve someone better, I fall even harder whenever I see you?
Baby don't you know that you have been the star of my heart?
Baby I gave you my heart and you told me you would protect and take care of it forever.
But instead of keeping that promise you break it hard, and you told your family members to help you break it even harder.
And you came back and not only you returned that broken heart to me, you showed off your brand new heart given by someone else...
While I have nothing.
Nothing and nobody.
You told me not to cry, you told me not to be sad. But tell me how baby. Tell me how not to cry when the person I trusted the most, the person I was willing to give all my heart and soul to, had just betrayed me. Tell me.
And when I was so so angry at you, you blamed me, and you asked me why I was angry as if I had no rights to do so.
Maybe I am so stupid to say this but I miss you.
I miss being your number one.
Regret
What hurt me really badly is how I have wasted this time not preaching the gospel more to him. Because while he knows Jesus is good and he prays before meals and stuff, I am not completely sure how it means for him to truly know Jesus and let Him takeover whatever difficult circumstances he might face. I know the decision he had to make is extremely difficult - to choose between a girl or his family - both are the ones he truly loves deeply.
He chose his family, and sacrifice the only girl he wants to marry.
But if only he involves God in the decision making: the result might be the same though. But at least he will not be too hurry making this decision, and the impact might not be as harsh. Because I know He is gentle.
My only wish and prayer is not for him to be happy with his family (although I should by right do that) but my only prayer is for him to know Jesus more, and to always be holding on to God in his life.
When Things Don't Work Out
When things don't work out in a relationship, just think that maybe he's not meant for me.
Unless you are married. Man, that sucks if you are married and things don't work out between you and your spouse. Especially when you have kids. GG.
I won't wanna be in that situation.
Thank You
This post is dedicated to my appreciation to my friends who has stood by me all these days. And also to God. He heals my broken heart faster than anything else. He clearly told me that He has something better in-store for me.
Thank you to those who has listened to my unbelievable break-up story (I still can't believe it, let alone digest it). You guys are extra excellent.
RR: thanks for reminding me that he will never be happy. That boosts my ego. Lol.
YA: Thanks for listening.
WK: Girl thank you!! Thank you so much. I know you are the one who understands the most, because you know him well enough and you have been through all this similar shit as well in the past. Not with the same guy though but who cares. And help me scold him in Chinese when he's back. Haha.
FI: Thank you sis for reminding me of God and His plans. I went to Him and my heart amazingly stopped bleeding. It still hurts, but at least the blood has stopped dripping.
Abba Father, my God and Saviour Jesus Christ, through the form of the Holy Spirit: Thank You for everything, for this life You have given me. Though it may not be so smooth but You promised that You will be there at all times to hold my hand. And THANK YOU for keeping that promise, although I may have forgotton You many times, but You are still there, watching over me with love and showing me how to live. I thought all the "future" I have created with him for three years is already crushed within days, but You told me "Hey. Why worry about the future? I created the future. Don't ever worry on that one." Then You told me to flip to Jeremiah 29: 11-14. You showed me a much more fabulous future You created for me. You closed this one little door but You opened a way much bigger door for me. Thank You so much.
While I am still broken and crushed, I am slowly building up again. Building up to a much stronger person, a much better individual.
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