orangestory

Bleeding.

It is like a happy ending fairy tale story - a story that young girls adore deeply and carry it to their dreams. A story that young girls would re-tell to the stars they see from their window panes every night, and wish that it will come true one day.

I love my story. Our story. I love him, and I really really do, and I would swear if I could, that he feels the same way. I could tell from his heartbeat, the moment he wraps his arms around me. I could feel from his two eyes, the moment they turn sparkly whenever he sees me, just as if he had won a grand lottery. I always think that he is the one for me. I love how he makes me feel, like everything is possible or like life is worth it. I am much contented whenever he is around, and I am amazed by how his love never fades after so many years we are together.

I wish we could be together forever. I wish my life was a story and I were the author - that way, we could just create as we like it, and end it as we love it. I wish life was a story - a story that we could just throw it away to the dustbin once we think it is crappy.

Sadly, life is more complicated than that. There are other things involving life, like beliefs, norms, cultures, or influences. I feel like I'm living in denial everyday, in each minute, and in every second. I love him, that is a fact. But does everyone around me understand that? Love isn't about logic. Love isn't about what is right and what is wrong because love is always right. Love produces good things and love makes you feel good.

But why does everyone not think we are suitable? How do I define suitable? And who should it be suitable for?

I know you are judging me even if you think you are not. Deep inside, you want us to break apart. You are waiting for the day this beautiful story ends. You don't think this is not gonna work out between us. I beg you please, stop thinking about that. That breaks my heart. You know I love him and each day you are trying to convince me otherwise, it breaks my heart. Deeply. Badly. Painfully. Atrociously.

My love is not blind; I have been thinking about us even before it started. You have no idea how much tears I have shed because of others' disapproval, including my own logical analysis, thoughts, and beliefs. My brain told me to break up, but my heart told me to hold on. It is such a sucky feeling when both brain and heart disagree with each other.

And no comments please. No tagboards either. Thank you.

EXCITED.

| at 5:30 PM

I JUST WON 1 LANCOME VIRTUOSE PRECIOUS CELLS MASCARA (retails at $49) FROM METRO LADIES NIGHT CONTEST!! This my first time winning from a lucky draw!!

I just received the e-mail today to confirm my full name and my NRIC. Omg this has officially made my day, after crawling to the infamous Li Ka Shing Library to mug at 9:30 am in the morning all the way to.. i believe now is almost 9:30 pm and I am still here.

ok enough blogging. Go back to study.

In the library

| at 3:02 PM

And am very very very very bored.

Tomorrow is my first paper, and yet I have no idea about 70% of the concepts???

Oh dear.

Fail Ads

| at 12:57 AM

Ok this is pretty retarded but I saw this thing online:Funny huh? You wanna buy their 'discounted' ruby deer gift set? :)

Hypocrisy

| at 4:37 PM

First and foremost.

Before you judge anyone, please take a look at yourself first.

You might be someone full of hypocrisy. You may be.

Don't know yet? Time to find out I guess. Find out whether you are behaving like how you wish the public see yourself as.

Don't see any similarities? Congratulations, you are then a hypocrite! Look at the mirror and see your reflection. That is your true self, so stop lying to others about who you are. Take out those masks and stop being so photogenic when it comes to life.

The dumb dumb me.....

| at 10:00 PM

I love experimenting. I want to make my own pore strips with gelatin and milk (I read about this mixture somewhere) so I went to the supermarket today.

To be honest, I'm not really a supermarket savvy and I don't know where to get gelatin in Singapore. Seriously. I thought supermarkets should have it so I went there.

Do you know agar-agar powder? I bought that instead. I thought those were similar to gelatins! Yea silly. But then, gelatins make jelly and agar-agar is something similar to jelly, no? Ok no. When I blog right now I just realize the difference. Their textures are different. Jelly is more "solid" than agar-agar. Ok whatever. Should have bought the konnyaku powder instead i guess? Those are cheaper trust me!

So obviously when I mixed them with milk the solvent didn't harden like those normal liquid-mixed-with-gelatin should. I put them on my nose and they ended up as a milk scrub instead of pore strips. zzzzzzz.

I also bought a hot chocolate drink from Van Houten to make my own bronzer (OK I KNOW IT'S DUMB BUT HEY! EXPERIMENTS!! Don't you get what experiments mean??). It turns out that those chocolate powder are mixed together with sugar and creamer per sachet!! Who the hell would put on sugar and creamer over their cheeks rite? I should have bought pure cocoa powder next time!!

Luckily I only used like a teaspoon of the agar-agar powder and a little bit of milk so everything doesn't go to waste. In the end I make my chocolate agar-agar!! :)) [yes I mixed those opened chocolate drink sachet with the agar-agar and the milk] I have not tasted them yet but I hope it's yummy! :) They are already hardening in the fridge. Can't wait!!

But anyway I guess mistakes are good. Now I know what to buy next time.

My Guilty Confessions

| at 10:48 PM

I saw Sara's blog about her guilty confessions and thought I am gonna do the same.

1) I procrastinate. I don't really do work unless there is DEADLINE screaming on me in a week's time.

2) I play Spider Solitaire in a boring lecture. All the time.

3) I can't do Accounting or Statistics for crap. I can't even get a C for both in college.

Funny because I scored full marks (100/100) in mathematics for primary six national examination, A (but not full marks) for both E and A maths in secondary school, B for Calculus, Statistics, and both Financial and Managerial Accounting in Polytechnic, but not even a C in university. Are time and intelligence inversely proportional in my case?

4) I dump my undergarments together with my clothes in a washing machine. I know, I know. I will hand-wash them if I have time (and will) ok? Working on it, babies!

5) I use toilet rolls for my tissue necessities at home (in my room). I find them more practical because most of the time I only need a small square of tissue instead of a huge piece. Only toilet rolls give you that kind of option.

(of course I buy the smooth, non-textury kind of rolls!)

Acknowledgement

| at 11:43 PM

CONGRATULATIONS LOUISA ON COMPLETING YEAR 3 SEMESTER 1!!!!!!!

Please continue studying until the exams are really really over. ok thank you very much bye.

1, 2, 3, 4

| at 7:14 PM

There's only 1 thing 2 say: 3 words 4 you...

"i love you."

darling, when was the last time we had our quality time together?

| at 12:52 PM

Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfriend!

| at 1:32 AM

You are another example of an awesome man who goes out with a sucky girlfriend.

You are awesome, you know? I kind of admire you, but NOT the romantic kind of admiration or infatuation. I just admire how smart you are, how persistent you are, how deterministic you are, how you believe in yourself so much.... but when I look at the girl beside you, she just ... ruins everything.

She's pretty I know, but she isn't beautiful. Her inner beauty doesn't show at all, to be honest.

Your girlfriend sucks.

Bored bored bored and ONLINE SHOPS!!!

| at 10:37 PM

I am VERY bored. I have tonnes of things to do yet I am just sitting here and blogging.

I wanna go shopping :( I have no time to even stop by Toa Payoh Central to shop at the Supermarket. But I have been shopping online recently.

Here are the things I have purchased online:

1 Bag (http://www.fashionholict.com)

1 cardigan (http://www.tataroland.com)

1 lipstick (http://magicaltannsu-instock.blogspot.com)

1 make up brush set (http://www.momominerals.com.sg)

Magical Tannsu and Momominerals seem very very efficient. I received the items i ordered within a day or 2 days after they received my payment. Fast, huh?

Fashionholict is a bit disappointing, although their bags are awesomely pretty. They told me that there is a free hair tie with every purchase, but when I received my purchased item, I didn't see any hair ties. And they took more than a week to process my order, and another several days to deliver. Zzz. I thought my package was lost somewhere (cos I opted for normal mail), but then after 8 or 9 days I received an email from them telling me that "your item has been delivered today" I was like, what? Why did you take so long?

Ok I know that perhaps the item I bought was not in stock, I don't know. All I know is that all my items I bought online have arrived safely at my doorstep.

I am starting to love online shopping in times like this. My list of blog shops I have visited seems increasing. There are other blog shops that I visited and I really want to buy their items but I think I should put a pause to my spending habit just for this moment. I should focus on my studies instead of browsing through online shops.

Off I go for FA report!!!

Week 12 Schedule

| at 8:36 PM

Monday: AA, Mancomm, CC

Tuesday: CC

Wednesday: AA, FA Report

Thursday: FA report, CC book review

Friday: FA report and presentation

Saturday: CC book review

Sunday: CC book review

Ok you may ask, why the heck are you spending so much time for CC book review? Basically I was asked to review a 300 pages book called The Disney Way, in which so far I only managed to read 20 pages of it :(

Worse, not only review the book but also analyse the book according to all the creativity theories that have been taught in class... Sad me... I read very slowwww :(

We used to be friends...

| at 10:11 AM

its the end of October!

Love.

Just wondering why my "when-i-first-knew-her-she-was-single-and-now-she-is-attached" friends (gender-wise no pun intended. i think i should have put them instead. i have no means of discriminating any gender in this sentence cos it does not matter whether it is male or female) kind of swift away from me after they got attached.

sometimes, despite being so happy that they are attached with someone they love, I cant help but being selfish that someone is "sharing" her with me. Selfish i know, and when it comes to this, I don't know why I always fall second.

Stupid question you may think, but before I got attached, someone told me that love relationship may fall apart, it can get really ugly and it is irreversible. The only thing that can stay true forever is the love of God, the love of your parents and family, and the love of your best friends.

We used to share things together. We used to study overnight until 8am in the morning. We used to go home in the morning looking like shit after studying overnight. We used to prank each other. We used to bitch about others together. We used to "spill" test questions to each other. We used to.... nah.

Now all of those became "used to". We no longer doing that anymore, because you are attached. And nowadays if I ask you out for lunch, you would say "I would love to, but I am meeting him/her for lunch... sorry babe".

Just so you know, it breaks my heart. You have no idea how its like to lose a friend like yourself. You have 7 days in a week, can't you divide them into a proportion you deem fit for your friends and family? Must you meet your gf/bf 7 days in a week, 16 hours in a day? (I minus off 8 hours of sleep)

But alas. What would I be if I am in his/her shoes? I may have a boyfriend now but I have one thousand hours to meet all my friends in the world because he is so darn busy. If he isn't as busy everyday would I reserve all my time for him and him only? Plus, my boyfriend is hella sexy I think I can get constipated if I don't see him everyday. OK thats freaking random and not true. I typed that sentence with my tongue in cheek.

So please, remember your friends. We love how you get into a happy relationship but if you keep treating us this way, do not ever think that we will still be there for you once your relationship gets really nasty. We have other friends too.

Schedule for Week 11

| at 9:08 PM

Things to Complete (bold & italicized means higher priority as of today)

~~AA Problem Set #4 (28 Oct)~~

~~FA Quiz (29 Oct)~~

~~TE Website and Poster (31 Oct)~~

ManComm Presentation (1 Nov)(extended to 8 Nov)

CC Presentation (2 Nov)

FYP Project Proposal (3 Nov)

AA Presentation (4 Nov)

TE Project Showcase (4 Nov)

FA Project (8 Nov)

CC Report (9 Nov)

CC Book Review (9 Nov)

FA Online Quiz (12 Nov)

TE Journal (14 Nov)

OH YES I AM SO DEAD!!

Schedule for this week!!

Monday: Study FA (PPE, Intangibles, Bank Reconciliation) CHECKED :D

Tuesday: Study FA (Short term liabilities), CC Report, ManComm Research CHECKED :D

Wednesday: Study FA (Inventory, COGS, Bad debts), AA OR ManComm , website CHECKED :D

Thursday: Study FA (Bonds, Review all), website (finalised) CHECKED :D

Friday: CC, AA, TE Poster CHECKED :D

Saturday: AA, CC, ManComm CHECKED :D

Sunday: AA, ManComm, TE Poster (finalised), FA report CHECKED :D

God please help me to go through this week. Someone mentioned to me that, "semuanya kalo dikerjakan satu-satu juga akhirnya kelar."

Ganbatte Louisa!

ADDED at 1st Nov 2010: THANK GOD WEEK 11 IS OVER!!!

I was born and bred in a country full of culture of its own, unlike Singa.. ok I shouldn't continue.

| at 10:22 AM

So at Thursday last week, when Singapore was pretty much caught up in a haze, my Singaporean friend posted this on his facebook:

"Wonder if we can sue Indonesia for the haze. Indonesia should be punished!!"

And I was super annoyed by his comment. I know some of you may say "aiyah it is just FB mah... no big deal" But I think it is. He has such a distorted mindset to say it in the first place. So I decided to comment on it opposing everything he said. And you know what happened? He said the Indonesian government is such a lame duck, and they should be punished. WTH. And he said FB is his personal space so he can comment whatever he wants.

First. NO you can't sue Indonesia. Stupid.

Second. NO ONE SHOULD EVER THINK THEY ARE OF A SUPERIOR STATE TO BE ABLE TO PUNISH A COUNTRY, or even just think that one country should be punished. YOU ARE AT NO PLACE TO JUDGE. YOU ARE NOT EVEN A JUDGE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

And I think he is so narrow-minded. Not that the Indonesian government did not do anything, it is just that there are other MAJOR problems happening in the country of 18,000 islands, with a population of 250 MILLION people. Singapore, your population is just 1/50 of what Indonesia has so BE QUIET! IT IS HARD TO CONTROL SUCH A BIG COUNTRY!! If I were to challenge him to take over the Indonesian governance, could he do a better job than the current government??? I dare betting 1 MILLION USD he couldn't!! Oh I forgot Singaporeans love to complain and talk big without even thinking whether their complaints are worth the cause, or even offering possible and sound suggestions for the government to implement.

Compared to other problems like terrorist bombings, natural disasters, corruption, poverty, the haze is like.. gosh. A MINOR problem! If you think it is major because it affects other countries such as Singapore, you are wrong. I don't think the government should make it a top priority just because it affects other countries. I think the government should make ITS PEOPLE a top priority rather than defending THE SINGAPOREANS who are not even VERY NICE to Indonesians in the first place.

NOT that your people will die just because of the haze so stop complaining!! OH I FORGOT!! Complaining IS ONE OF YOUR CULTURE!! Oops! I think I am having such a culture shock here!! Sorry!!!

Public Display of Affection (PDA) during Meeting?? Seriously??

| at 10:46 PM

I was having a project meeting today and one of my teammates seemed like he was unable to find a better place to date his girlfriend. Ok let me tell you what happened. My male teammate came to the meeting room with his girlfriend, who wasn't even in our team. And none of us knew the girl (except him of course). Ok I know her and she may know me because we are in the same CCA but we never kinda talk to each other. But wait. I am in the exco so she should know me. Moreover, our exco tenure is going to end soon so we are in the process of handovering our stuff to a new batch of exco and she is in that batch. I saw her during the incoming exco retreat. But nope, we didn't talk because in that retreat, I was in-charge of 3 activities so i was pretty busy preparing and stuff. I am very sure she recognized me that day when she crashed into our room. However, no hi-s were exchanged.

The idea of crashing itself was pretty unacceptable but we thought she would just sit there in the corner doing her stuff so we did not really complain regarding the situation. But, we were wrong. They were PDA-ing in the meeting room, during the meeting. Wth, teammate, I didn't wanna see you get all touchy during meetings!

And for you girl, I know that your boyfriend is the only guy in the team with all the pretty girls but that doesn't give you enough reasons to be so insecure. We are not going to steal your bf away for goodness' sake!

And if you decide to join in our meeting room just to hug and kiss your boyfriend, you can kiss my a$$.

I don't care if you are doing all the PDAs elsewhere but why must it be during a project meeting? OUR project meeting, when you are not even in our class, not in our group. We don't even know you. Just because you are the girlfriend of one of our teammate does not give you enough rights to just crash into our meeting room.

By the way, they are very clingy. If she isn't in the room, she will be outside the room waiting for him. And he will be like going out every 15 minutes just to hug her. This has happened many many times.

Gosh. Some people just don't have enough common sense. But wait, if common sense is not so common anymore, then how do I define common sense?

STFU

| at 1:21 AM

i am so emotionally drained the least thing I need is your lecture.

just STFU.

Sejauh mana kita harus mempertahankan cinta?

| at 11:31 PM

Kadang gw perlu terus terang kalo gw selalu menguras tenaga dan emosi gw untuk bisa terus bersama. Tapi kalo dipikir-pikir, are all these worth it?

i just want love to happen, i don't want to work hard for it to happen.

kenapa selalu mesti gw yang cape2 makan hati dan elunya cuma punya sifat kayak, "kita liat nanti aja."

asal lu tau, gw sebel sama kecuekan lu atas semua ini. gw kesel karna lu ga punya tujuan yang bener2 jelas. lu pikir semua itu bisa terjadi kalo lu cuma diem2 aja? gw punya mimpi, gw punya tujuan, tapi PLIS lu juga dukung gw dong!! selama ini gw rela berkorban buat lu. selama ini gw pikirin keuntungan kerugiannya dan gw mau nerima lu apa adanya dengan semua background pendidikan dan keuangan lu karna gw pikir, semua bisa kita pecahkan bersama.

tapi nyatanya, kita nggak memecahkan semua bersama. gw liat2 koq seakan2 gw yang memecahkan semuanya sendirian.

sering banget gw mempertanyakan pertanyaan itu dalam benak gw. sejauh mana gw harus pertahanin semua ini?

gw capek, sayang. capek.

I just don't understand....

| at 2:06 AM

So I was super brain-dead after my Corporate Creativity test. Btw that test was crazy, it consisted of 8 questions and the answer to each question was about 2-3 pages long. My right hand and fingers were screaming for the entire 2.5 hours "STOP WRITING ALREADY WE ARE FREAKIN TIRED" but I had no choice :(

After I reached home, I continued doing the website for my TE project. Now, I guess it is 80% done. Thus I thought I deserve a little rest today.

I googled some random stuff, watched shit from YouTube, Facebooking, Twittering, and got bored. I went to UrbanDictionary.com and searched "Indonesian".

And here is what I got:

Indonesian is people with right-brain dominated and enslaved by Chindo (Chinese who born in Indonesia).

Not that I am anti-native Indonesians or something, but can you explain the term "enslaved by Chindo"? Because I really don't understand. What did Chindo do that makes you think we are "enslaving" you?

Let me refresh your memory in case you really are right-brain dominated people like you mentioned earlier. Do you know that the one who "enslaved" Indonesia for more than 400 years were the Europeans? Ok let me mention them one by one: The Dutch, the Spanish, the Portuguese, the British, the Americans, and.. ok. The Japanese for 3.5 years. The Japanese was an exception but we should understand that they basically conquered almost all East Asian countries like Korea, China, the Philippines, Singapore, Indonesia, and so on. So Japanese and Chinese aren't the same. Do not think we are the same too.

If it were me I would hate the Dutch to the maximum, even to the end of the world because they didn't leave anything good. They corrupted our country to the very extent that corruption mindset is in-born and in-grown to almost all Indonesians. and they stole our goods, our arts and crafts, our spices and made the stupid speculaas and took all the effin credit for the stupid darn biscuits, ok whatever. i just dislike them so much i refuse to support their football team no matter how good they are. not that i'm into soccer whatsoever anyways. and they didn't even apologise for whatever they have done for 3.5 centuries. Coward!!

So yeah, explain to me again because I really, honestly don't understand why you think we, the Chindo, are enslaving you.