orangestory

There are lots of things that need to be reviewed..

First: The Class Chalet (6 Sept)

It went ok, the food was tasty, and a lot turned up that day, even our very own careperson, Mr. PTT! This event can be considered a success, even though Justea said that he made some losses.

Second: Barclays Singapore Open 2006 (7-10 Sept)

I worked as a Banquet Staff at Barclays Singapore Open this year, and it was so freaggin exhausting! Ok, perhaps that's because I have never worked in an F&B business before, like standing there watching people have their lunch, serving them drinks, clearing tables, and everything... Those ang-mohs sure consumed beer a lot more than I imagined.. One bunch of drunkards sitting at the corner of the balcony, ordering nothing but glasses of Heineken.. And it was tiring because there were a lot of people and we were very busy taking orders here and there, and we are not allowed to sit unless it's break time in the pantry, but tell you what.. even in the pantry itself, there were no chairs to sit on!! So we had no choice but to sit on the floor. It's supposed to be 4 days, but I worked for only 3 days because I couldn't wake up for the 2nd day.. Lol.. It's stupid la but I need to reach Harborfront at 7:40 in the morning and heck, I consumed my Neozep the night before.. I'm sure Neozep can act as a strong sleeping pill to me-.-. Anyways, I have not collected my pay yet, I wonder when I'm gonna collect those cash.. I seem to have no time these days...

Third: Kumamoto National College of Technology Visit (12 Sept)

This is the most fun activity this week, i guess... I got a chance to make friends with Japanese from Kumamoto College!! They visit singapore for 5 days and they visit TP on the 12th. It's a disadvantage that my Japanese is only very limited, but I'm glad that we still made friends in the end... We exchange e-mail address though, but I dont know if we will stay in touch in the future.. but I do really hope that we will..

Here are my new friends:
1. Yoshihide Takamura (haha Takamura rocks!! Thanks for the pen and light brushes and those "neat" Japanese writings of yours!! Hahah.. thanks for teaching me Japanese characters, for teaching me how to write my name in Katakana.. you are the best! Next time when we meet again, do show me your drum skills... And yeah, I will make sure to get you something in PINK, Takashimaya! Oops, I mean, Takamura-kun :P)
2. Ryuji Hori (the first Kumamoto boy I talked to! Eigo ga jozu desu ne... You have the most confidence when presenting those chopstick manners in English!! -impressed-)
3. Kyohei Yamaguchi ("Call me Kyohei".. errm.. was that because you treated me as your friend, or because you were pretty irritated when i called you 'tamagochi'? Haha... Gomen'ne, Kyohei-Kun.. :P)
4. Shigejiro Hayashi (Man, from my observation, you are the most outgoing among your other friends.. I thought you were pretty ignorant but you are not.. Keep smiling because that's the only way to make you not to look fierce! :P I like your smiles.. Haha.. Keep playing captain's ball, Shige-kun!)
5. Taromaru Satoshi (Don't try to look cool.. take off that black jacket of yours coz Singapore was totemo atsui desu! Hahah... Well, in the end you did take it off.. thanks to us man! :P Gohan no oishikatta desu yone? Well, the beehoon was pretty tasteless to me, just say the truth la Mashimaro.. Haha..)
6. Naoki Harada (Seriously, I didn't know your name was actually Naoki!! Hahah.. All the time I always thought of you as Nao.. Nao.. Nao.. Then when you wrote your name for me, you wrote "Naoki" -.- Anyways.. What I asked you that time was when you introduced your friend Kenji, I wondered why the slides showed him as 'Kenshi' instead of 'Kenji'... aaahh..)
7. Kazuyuki Kozai (You are another Nao man! Wrote your name as 'Koze' -.- Hahah.. nice to meet you.. you have a cute face :P, I didnt expect you to be in the school team, lol. Just kidding)
8. Jun Yamamoto (I think one of my friends fancies you.. :P :P :P Blink blink... Such a cute turtle you drew! And yeah, you are in the school team as well!! Haha.. So do you play badminton in your free time?)
9. Mako Horikawa (Kawaiiiii!! The only Japanese girl I made friends with!! I am no lesbian but you sure are totemo cute lahh.. Especially when you speak English, omG Mako-Chan! Let's go shopping together!! Hahah.. *and yea, you didn't give your phone number to Jesher.. yokatta... He's dangerous, please note that! Lol... I'm sorry Jeshy! :P)
10. Miyamoto Kisuke (your Kyudo seems to be powerful! Hmm.. you sure have muscles!)
11. Kazuya Yamashita (What a looooonnnngggg e-mail address! ~_~ Hahah.. you look cool when you sit still, don't move, don't talk, don't smile. Lol. Seriously!)
12. Yusuke Nakashima (Thank you very much!)
13. Liyana Safra (This girl is not a Nihon-jin, but a Mareshia-jin.. You are sooooo lucky to be able to study there!!! Arrgghh!! I also wantttt!!)

ARghh.. this event really drives me to learn Japanese moreeeee... Heck Chinese! I'll go for Nihon-go! ~~

Forth: Results are out!!

And I got a super darn shocking result for my Japanese!! It's Z!!! Whoaaaa... can you believe that???? I aimed only for B and since Shigeta Sensei is pretty strict, I am very much prepared if she gives me a C+... but guess what?? No A, let alone B.. It's DISTINCTION!! Z!! Whooaa.. God, are you telling me to study Japanese moreee?? Lol (I'd love to!! :P:P I'm gonna learn Japanese, save money, and visit my Kumamoto friends!! Haha.. what a dream -.-")

And my GPA is improved, by 0.02. What an improvement... -.-
Well, at least it's improving.. lol. I promised to still thank God for whatever I might get this semester. I am pretty much relieved now..)

Well, I guess there are what have been happening to me.. Tomorrow is roller-blading time with Isaiah and HL!! Hmm.. I'm a sucky roller blader for their information.. they better take this down very seriously, LOL.

I just got scolded by my grandma -again- for being home so late. Her limit is 11pm, and she called me at like 11:02 and scolded me right away. What on earth??? 2 minutes, what's the big deal???

Ok, I reached home at 11:24, and I explained to her that she didn't have to worry coz Ronald and Daisy were driving me home. But tell you what? She didn't care.

I told her that I went for a CCA meeting in school. The CCA meeting ended at around 8:45pm, and we were very hungry so since Ronald had the car, he drove all of us to Tampines Mall for a late meal. And Isaiah ate so much that he took his own sweet time eating his meal. I don't put the blame on him, though. It wasn't because of him, it was because of the chit-chats. I mean, you can't escape from chit-chatting when you have a group meal, can you?? That supper session ended at around 10pm, so Ronald said he's gonna drive 4 of us (5 including Daisy) home. I was kind of sick (coughing, influenza, headache, and a little fever) so I was so glad that someone is sending me home.

Terence lives in Pasir Ris, Steph lives in Punggol, Isaiah lives in Geylang, and Daisy lives in Katong. Since I live near Daisy, I am always the last one to be sent home. Then, unexpectedly, we ran out of petrol, so Ronald had to go to the petrol station. Daisy then bought some stuff from the convenient store nearby. So after all the sending and everything, guess what time did we reach my block? 11:24pm.

My grandma didn't believe me and threatened me that she wanted to ask the school for clarification. She didn't believe that school activities can last until so late. Like duh, that really showed that she didn't trust me lah. Besides, I have already told her the truth, except the fact that I am in the main committee of 2 clubs (I don't tell anyone in my family about this. I don't think they will understand). I know it for sure that she won't and never will go to school and ask for such a childish question. Anyways, Temasek Polytechnic is such a complicated school, unlike the general office in Secondary school where you can ask everything regarding your child/ward. Sh*t, i really wanted to say vulgarities but I am trying to hold my flesh needs as long as I can.

I told her that I was already in the car and she didn't have to worry coz Ronald was driving me home. She still was very angry. What on earth, even if I took the bus, I would also reach home at around the same time. I still needed to eat dinner mah.. my stomach would be upset if I don't. So if I took the bus, I would have to go to the interchange, wait for bus 31, and the whole thing will take around 45mins to 1 hour. Not only that, I have to walk along the Amber Gardens in order to reach home. Ok, perhaps I would reach home a few minutes earlier, but think about this: If somebody's gonna drive you home, why should you choose the bus instead? I mean, the main thing that my grandma was worried about was my safety. Now someone is driving me home, isn't it safer than taking the bus and walk along the dark pavement with 3 construction sites along the pavement but reach home at, say, 11.10? Which one is safer, seriously? Ronald stopped right in front of my block, which one is safer than taking the bus and stop at the freaking far bus stop and have to walk along a dark and quiet pavement???? Besides, I WAS SICK LAH OF COURSE I PREFER THE CAR TO THE BUS!

And it's 11pm, what's the need of scolding? It's not as if I stayed out until morning..

Right after she finished scolding me over the phone, I typed this message in my handphone:
"Sometimes people around you don't understand you. It's hurtful when they blame you for things you didn't do, or for things you are very sure are correct. They get mad at you, don't take your explanations, and think that you are lying. The worst is, you get to see them everyday!"

Guess who came to my church today???

It's UX Band, babeh! Hahahaha.. They led the praise and worship in the YRC service just now, and it was AwEsOmE!!

Well, Singaporeans may not know who on earth UX Band is, they are Indonesian Christian Band, comprising of 9 personnel, namely WawAn YaP (Lead Vocal), Rhea Massambe (Vocal), Marina Napitupulu (Vocal), Ferliex Rotinsulu (Vocal), JoSePh S. DjAFaR (Keyboard), Tommy Koswara (Keyboard), Yordan Kurniawan (Drum), Ronald Steven (Bass Guitar), Roy Ngelyaratan (Electric Guitar). OooooHHHhhh... Wawan's voice was totally cool!! And I didn't know Joseph was kinda muscular.. Hahah.. Nothing.. nothing.. Pretend that I didn't say anything. The worship was great and we were blessed during the entire afternoon.

From left to right:
Wawan, Marina, Ferliex, Rhea

I wanna say sorry to April that in the end I didn't go to the Youth Fiesta today, I don't know if it's good or bad, but I would definitely miss today's youth service if I went. Anyway my brother slept over at my house last night and he wanted to attend the youth service. Hmm.. besides, having a cellgroup that commences Sunday morning, I feel that I can't attend the morning service coz I need to attend the cellgroup fellowship. It was because I have missed 2 sessions and I can't bear to miss another one (next week I can't attend the cell again coz I have to work)... So.. yeah.. sorry April :(

Anyways, I bought UX CDs just now and had Wawan signed them!! Hahah!! So happy today.. *listening to the CD* Among all UX personnels, I love Wawan the best. But of course, God is still above him yea.. :)

This week I will be very extremely busy even though I'm already having my semestral vacation. I am one of the hospitality team for the Asia-Oceania Youth Consultation this Tuesday and Wednesday, and I will have my Poly Forum meeting and class outing on wednesday (Oh no my wednesday is packed!!), then on Thursday to Sunday, I will be busy with work. Hmmm..

Alright.. I wanna have my dinner... Cya!

Thanks to: [UX]production for the photograph.

Cindy, Riah, Mr. Kho, Me, Valen
during the school's official opening ceremony
English Activity Room, 30 September 2004

In secondary school, he was the most hi-tech teacher I ever remembered. That time, he seldom taught us in classroom. He conducted his "lectures" in the AVA room so that all of us could share the air-con. He used PowerPoint slides to teach, he used the visualiser instead of the whiteboard, he even printed lecture notes for us. He bothered to call all to the new foreign students (I was one of them back then) just to have an orientation talk, he sometimes cracked jokes like having the 6th finger when you eat Gardenia bread (ok most of his jokes were not funny -.-")

Some girls might think he was quite good looking (duh, compared to the other Misters in school who are far much older than him -i think he was still around 26 back then-, of course he was the most OK one -.-") He seemed normal and lived a happy life back then (we had no idea that he was gay you know...).

And yeah.. Eagle house rocked. (it contradicts most results but oh still... haha)

Ok. So what caused all this troubles?

Let me quote from the paper:

"But three years later, he asked for a transfer to the Ministry of Education headquarters, where he worked as a curriculum planning officer.
In his mitigation, his lawyers, Mr Subhas Anandan and Mr Sunil Sudheesan, told the court that this switch 'marked the start of our client's troubles'.
Kho suffered from severe depression and sought various means to alleviate his condition, said the lawyers.
To make matters worse, he signed up for a master's programme in education management at the National Institute of Education a year later.
His inability to balance his work and studies with his social life sparked his depression. He eventually did not complete the programme.
Kho's lawyers said that his 'quest in discovering a means to manage his condition led to him talking to strangers in certain Internet relay chat rooms'.
They said he regretted his 'foolish errors' and has since enrolled himself in various rehabilitation and counselling programmes.
Kho's lawyers also added that he quit his job so that he could seek proper medical treatment.
'I want to move on with my life. I just want to seek treatment first,' Kho told The New Paper."

Sir, things are not over yet.

Ganbatte..!!

why do you seem so far away??

everyday i am trying to reach you. to talk to you. to make you happy. but why don't you do a thing? why don't you say a word?

i just wanna be in your presence. i want you. please come to me. i am no kidding when i say that i'm so in love with you. when you are with me, nothing seems to matter anymore. without you i am nothing. but when i am with you, i am something. i am so terribly blessed to be able to know you. and when you say a simple "don't worry, everything will be alright", just like magic, my anxiety is suddenly gone. your words bring peace and joy to me. and i'm serious.

i am getting more and more desparate of you. i am thirsty of your love, thirsty of your voice. please draw me closer to you. i know you want me. i know you love me too. i want you to believe that i love you. each time i am trying my best to please you.

i need you, and i really really do.

please believe me.

but why do you seem so far away??

everyday i am trying to reach you. to talk to you. to make you happy. but why don't you do a thing? why don't you say a word?

you are not sick of me, are you?

sorry, i can't help it, will call you again tonight.

Gahh..

I had my DBIS paper yesterday, and I am confident in passing ok. I think I can hit my target, which is B.

But somehow, after that paper, I finally had no mood to study, literally no mood. On Friday yesterday, I planned to revise MAFIT and then start revising POM the next day, which is today. However, guess what happened? I ended up watching Suzuka the whole day yesterday!! It was such a nice and addicting anime I couldn't help it.

Today I am supposed to mug for POM, but yeah.. In the end, I didn't. What I remember doing was strumming on my beloved guitar and sang songs, a thing that I have not been doing for such a loooonngg time. Darn. I miss my guitar ok? It has been behind my closet for quite sometime and I just opened it, tuned it, and played it. What's wrong with that? Ok, obviously it was wrong because that guitar took over my POM revising time. -.-

I checked my POM student notes and realised that this POM exam is only 40%. As Terence might have said, double-U Tee!! I got C for my overall course grade la!! Great. Last semester, I got C for my overall course grade for Econs, but I studied seriously hard for the main exam, which had a weightage of 60%, and was confident in doing very well for the paper. What did I get in the end for the final result? It was a B. I thought it was fair enough, as I scored quite low for the course grade which was 40%. And now, as I have set a target of B for POM, guess what I should have scored for my main exam??? An 'A' right??? G R E A T.

Ok, now I really have to put back my guitar neatly behind the closet.

But too bad, soon after that, I turned on the computer and blogged.

OH NO!! VACATION IS COMING!!

I hate vacation if I have to spend it alone without the presence of my family and home. I have once spent a 3 months vacation in Singapore (after 'O' levels) and it suckeddd!! Everyday was filled with boredom. Nothing but pure boredom. Of course I want to change my environment during vacation, like going out with different ppl and stuff, learning new things, trying some stuff that I haven't tried before..

No, stop it, Louisa. You will spend 2 boring months in Singapore.. please bear with it, thank you.

Sighss..

I hate today.

I wasted 3 hours of my precious revising time.

I hate that this thing happened again.

Why must I say "yes"?

Why must I go?

ME myself also did not participate much in the RC meeting tonight.

But the 3 hours really affect me much.

Why should I sit in KFC?

Why couldn't I just go home?

Why??

I hate today.

I hate myself.

I feel so disappointed for not being focused.

For not being disciplined enough.

I feel so guilty.

I hate.

I have been thinking of my sister these days and realised how wonderful she is. For those who don't know, let me tell you one fact: my sister is disabled. She is born deaf. This fact answers the question of why my brother and I are in Singapore while my sister is not. I always say that she is not in Singapore because she doesn't want to. True. She doesn't want because she realises that she can't speak english (as no English language centre in Indonesia offers a lesson for the disabled). And for those who wonder how I communicate with her, well, she reads lips. She doesn't use sign language, coz the special school for the disabled she used to attend never encourages its students to use sign language, as most normal people don't understand it.

She is now 21.

For 18 years she has been attending a special school for the disabled and she fared really well, just that the school teaches everything in Indonesian. When she was younger, she always said, "I wish I wasn't disabled..." or perhaps she would ask me or my brother, "Can you hear it? Does it produce a sound?"

She did really well in the special school, but she wanted to get out of her comfort zone. When she expressed her want of attending a normal school, my parents were angry. They thought it was impossible as she would never be able to catch up with the pace of a normal school. Her special school focuses more to technical skills, like cooking, sewing, hairdressing, etc. She learnt only 40% of those maths, physics, whatever subjects that are learnt in a normal school.

But she didn't give up her dream and keep on telling my parents that she really wanted to attend a normal school. She tried many times and failed. My dad had almost given up, but he didn't as he saw his daughter didn't give up. My sister didn't care how many times she failed the admission tests, she didn't care how many schools rejected her without giving her a chance to sit for the entrance test just because she is deaf. She didn't care that she would be 3 years older than her other classmates if she was accepted in a normal school. She had a vision she knew she could reach. God answered her prayer and now she is in her final year in a normal school (SMEA), just like other normal kids do. She said she is contented with her state now, but deep inside she has always wanted to follow me and my brother's footsteps. To go overseas and study.
She is now 21.

She used to have a much bigger dream than anyone could ever imagine. She wanted terribly to be a doctor. My mum loves to buy those encyclopedia and other knowledge books, and we have huge collections of those books in different series. To be honest, I seldom read those books. My sister did, but just one book with a large "Human Body" printed on the cover. That was the only book that my mum had to replace its plastic cover over and over again. When we were little, my sister always asked me to play doctors with her, where she became the doctor and I became the patient or the nurse. She always bought those toys of healthcare tools like stethoscope, injections, etc.. She remembered what type of medicine my mum usually gave me when we were sick, and sometimes asked me to consume those meds even though I wasn't sick at all. My mum recounted that she had never once been scared when she is taken to the doctor. In fact, she showed much enthusiasm that she was meeting a doctor.

Even until now, she always loves the hospital environment, with those white collared people walking around her.

But life is cruel. Life is based on reality. She can't hear. How can she use those stethoscope and listen to anyone's heartbeat?? She then realised that, and she understands her situation. She can't be a doctor. It's just a dream that can't be pursued, unless a miracle happens and she becomes completely healed. She gave up that dream of her and is now diligently pursuing a certificate in management studies, and hopefully can go to university to learn computing or accountancy after that. But she still enjoys watching those surgical TV series like discovery health.

Heartbreaking.

She was still 19 back then.She cried when I said I was accepted in a local secondary school, and I had to leave her and stay in singapore. She said she's gonna miss me.

My sis and I at Suhatta Airport before I left to Spore. She woke up really early to send me off before going to school. Do we look like twins? Hahah.

She is now 21.

But never once has she tried calling someone on the phone. Never once she knows how does being in the middle of noisy folks really feel. Never once she knows how loud can a person be. Never once has she enjoyed the beauty of music. Which is sad as my brother himself is a musician. When I hear people said that without music they would die, deep inside I would say, "Too much exaggeration". Think of is my sister. Of course people won't die without music. If not, my sister would have been dead long ago.

She is now 21.

I used to be a heartless sister to her. I hated her. Many times I felt ashamed because my sister is deaf. Many times I asked God why can't my sister be normal. Many times I asked God why can't I be like the rest of my friends who have elder sisters whom they can play and share girly things together. Many times I didn't acknowledge her as my sister when my friends asked why she talked funny. Many times I told lies to my friend telling them that my sister was now in University, which she obviously was not. I hated it when she tried to give me advices. I always looked at her as inferior. I hated her for being who she was, for being deaf. I hated everything that she told me. I hated to say a simple "thank you" to her whenever she gave me presents. I hated it when I had to appreciate her. I just hated her because she is deaf.

When I think about it, I realised that it's hard for her either. It's not her fault for being the way she is, she didn't choose to be deaf herself. It's hard but she has to accept the fact that she is disabled. And she did it. She understands her condition, and she is now doing whatever she can do. She is a sociable person who is able to make friends with anyone. She is still confident and she is not ashamed that she is disabled. She doesn't feel inferior because she is disabled. In fact, she can confidently say that she is deaf. I respect her.

She is now 21.

She is still a youth, afterall. She wants to have someone whom she can love, and someone who loves her. She has been thinking of a boyfriend.

Logically, my brother and I would think like, "who on earth wants her???" Ok, that's mean. Let me arrange the sentence into this way, "will she be happy when she finally finds her true love?"

I believe she will. I will make sure she is.

She is now 21.

It's hard being her. For normal people like us, our future is determined by us. Whereas for my sister, her hardwork alone is not the only factor.

There are much more inspiring stories of her, things that I learned from her. I love her, and I want her to be happy.

It's been a while since the last time i blogged. Life is getting more and more tiring each day I feel like screaming.

People don't understand me.

It's good to participate actively in extracurricular activities, but I am more concern about my grades rather than ECA whatsoever.

I want to grab as much 'A's as possible, so stop asking me to go here and there and accumulate points. Some weakness in me is that I can't say no to people. I have no heart to disappoint them. Darn. Now I'm in trouble.

I PRACTICALLY WASTED MORE THAN 10x24 HOURS OF MY PRECIOUS REVISING TIME! I want to scream and curse here and there, but God doesn't let me.

Would you stop comparing my life to yours?

I am not talking to one particular person, but to everyone who dares to touch my study week. I come to Singapore to study. My main objective in continuing my education in this darn island is to study. You get me?? I want those 'A's. I want those distinctions! Hell! I want those DHLs!! SO STOP ASKING ME TO DO STUFF DURING MY STUDY WEEK!! I need 3 days to study EBM alone. Tell you what's distracting me?? I HAVE FIVE PAPERS!! I need at least 15 days to revise, and all I have now is less than a week.

Gosh. Did I tell you that I have no heart to disappoint people??? I think I will disappoint my parents when I got no 'A's. No, no. My parents won't SHOW their disappointment (even though I know they are disappointed), But I certainly will disappoint myself. I would feel very extremely bad of myself. I will cry, yes, literally speaking. Let me just be honest. In year 1.1, I scored 1 C for my CommSkills 1. That is a HUGE disappointment! I cried until my parents got fed up. I fell sick. I had no mood to do anything. I felt that I don't deserve to have fun during the vacation. My friends said they scored C for almost all their subjects, I should not be so down if I only got 1.

Whatever. Of course you can stay calm. You are afterall a Singaporean. Tell you what? My parents are earning in Rupiahs so stop thinking that I am a rich b**ch like most of Indonesians in Singapore!! Not yet happy? Ok. My daddy doesn't even have a full-time job. My mum works in a charity organisation, which all of you should know roughly how much she earns. My brother can go to NTU because the Government pays for almost all of his tuition fee. He can stay in the hostel because of the bank loans. I can go to TP because of the Tuition Grant. I still have a 3-year attachment here. My brother and I can continue our education here is only because of God's grace. None of my close relatives has that kind of chance.

Now you know why I want those 'A's really badly?? Because I want to thank my parents for all their hardwork earning those rupiahs, so that I can have a better education and hopefully, have a better future.

Whatever. I'm just being stressed. I am sad. I don't know why should I do this and that. I wish I am not involved in any committee. I wish I could go back this vacation. I wish I could meet my family this vacation. I wish I could walk on the street of Meruya Utara. I wish I could play with my cousins. I wish I could do the wall magazine again. I wish.. I wish.. I wish.. All are wishes.

I miss you mum. I miss you sis. I miss you dad. I miss you frans. I miss you lydia. I miss you han. I miss you ben. I miss you k yessy. I miss you chris. I miss you ci mantha. I miss you gin. I miss you nat. I miss you vin. I miss you yan. I miss you anna. I miss you... I miss all of you...

oh. shut up.

Hello semuaaaa....

Males ngomongin ini itu.
Hari sabtu kmaren ke Sentosa.
Tapi hal yang membetekan terjadi.
Pertamanya sih lumayan, pas bareng TPIS.
Tapi begitu anak2 dari GCC dateng,
sukacita itu hilang.
b e t e.

Kenapa yah?
Pihak gue kah yang bermasalah?
Ato pihak mereka?
Trus.. salah satu dari mereka bersifat sangat nasionalistis,
bikin gue jadi tambah nggak menikmati hari.

Kenapa sih mesti banding-bandingin Singapur sama Indo?
Kenapa sih mesti buka topik tentang itu?
Tentang gimana Singapur lebih hebat dari Indo,
Ato dengan kata lain, tentang gimana Indo lebih terbelakang dari Singapur?

Nenek-nenek peyot juga tau kalo Indo lagi kacau belia.
Jadi kalo boleh gue minta tolong,
gue nggak minta elu kasih tau gua lagi,
karna gue udah tau fakta dan data.

Ngomong apa keq, gue tetep bela negara gue.
Meski gue nggak pernah dapet kesempatan buat ini-itu
karna ras gue yang sangat minoritas...
ras yang dianggap elite, punya rumah gedong dan bejibun aset perusahaan.

Jadi, hai kamu si nasionalistis
Cuman elu doang yang selalu banding-bandingin
I am sick of you.
I am sick of you.

Nggak cuman itu aja.
Masih banyak hal lainnya yang bikin gw bete.
Sekali lagi,
I am sick of you.

Gue perlu minyak angin.
Gue perlu kantong plastik.
KELUAR KAMU!!
Wahai nasi, tahu, kentang, udang, kacang panjang...
Menu makanan gue tadi siang !?

I just read my previous posts and found this:

"All I can say now is hopelessness. I am hopeless for both clubs. I personally don't think that I can endure it until the end of my junior year. I can't even manage my time well. My schoolwork is neglected. I can give neither clubs my 100% commitment. I know it very distinctly that I'm gonna let both clubs go in my senior year. I certainly will."
-Friday, June 30, 2006


I thank The God Almighty that I see a little light of hope in my school work. I aced quite a lot of tests recently. Thank You, Jesus! Sometimes, thinking that I am not even close to God due to the busy life, looking at myself always skipped my quiet time with God, where I can read my Bible, listen to His lovely voice, enjoy being in His embrace... I practically do not have time for all these! I keep on distanting myself with my Creator. Yet, when I have an exam or a test the next day, I always pray that He will help me through.

Take E-Business Management, for example. EBM is practically one of the most important subjects in my diploma, Business IT, and I remember my senior said how tough and scary it was. I thought I flunked my project part 1, coz our report was basically not up to standard, so I studied really hard for my term test. I studied hard, and prayed equally hard. During the EBM practical session, our test papers were given back:

Jackson: What's your admin number?
Louisa: 1132E
Jackson: Oh, I remember you! (He handed my script to me.)

I was very surprised and thought I was dreaming when I saw that red-coloured "49" in the total box. I thought I read wrongly, so I rubbed my eyes. Still 49. Wait. This paper shouldn't be upon 50. I asked Jackson how much the paper is upon, and yes, "fifty" was my answer. My heart was pounding really hard, my hands were shaking a little, my eyes opened, staring at the paper in disbelief. I scored full marks for the MCQ section, which was, speaking of facts, the main reason why the others couldn't do well.

Jackson: I think you scored the highest.
Louisa: You serious?
Jackson: Yeah, serious.

I thanked God the whole day for that result, for making my day, for giving me hope on EBM, for everything, even until now.

Sometimes that stupid devil keeps on reminding me that it doesn't worth my time asking God to help me ace the tests. He will say something like, "Don't dream that God will help you tomorrow. Just see where your position is. You are freakin' far from God, man! See? You NEVER have time for Him. You even have given up reading that Bible. What for you ask Him? He won't have time for you. He won't help you this time. Trust me."

I ignored that voice and asked, anyway, but still telling myself not to be angry or disappointed if God doesn't help me. Guess what happened? God proved His faithfulness. He still remembers me. I aced my papers. He smiled to me when I thanked Him. I apologised for neglecting my spiritual growth, for ignoring what He says, for not being a good daughter...

He smiled again and replied, "Relax! I don't want you to talk to me just because that pleases me. Talk to me because that pleases YOU. In the meantime, don't ever think that I will leave you because of whatever reasons. I will still be here. Right here in your heart."

God really does love me, no matter how far I am from Him. He does not care how hopeless I am, how ugly and disgusting my heart is, how bad my words are.. he just can't help but to die for me, so that I can be saved. He can't help but to love me.

Jesus... You truly are amazing! Please help me find my way back to You, coz being with You is what I desire.

Don't join a CCA if what you want is none other than CCA Points.

PASSION to LEARN. That what it takes.

Hey peeps~

Guess everyone is busy with work, yeah.. so am I! Deadlines are haunting me day to day, and the Main Examination is approaching very soon!

There are lots of things I wanna say, express, share. But I just don't know where to start. And don't know how to put all my thoughts into words.

Have you ever pondered and thought of when was the last time you feel thankful? As in, really feel thankful, the feeling that comes purely from your heart. Many people wake up early in the morning and start their days by grumbling, like "Argh, it's morning again! I'm still sleepy, I wanna sleep. Darn. Can't believe it's another day."

Then they look at their 'things to do' list for the day, and Mr. Grumpy starts to appear again, "Oh crap, I need to do that bloody report this afternoon! Sigh, tell me when is my free time?? I am a human, you know!? I need rest!"

Then when they want to have their breakfast, they grumble, "What! I have practically nothing to eat! Bloody hell. Where do all my pastries go? Wait, where are those instant noodles?? Sh*t. Why should I eat instant noodles at this hour?? I'm already late, and now I have to cook!"

Then while waiting for their buses, here what they say, "Oh c'mon bus! My tutor's gonna be fully pissed by my lateness this morning. I mean, it's not my first time being late. Crap. Why is the bus very slow today?"

In campus, they start doing their report, and again, here comes the nags, "Oh how wonderful life is. Guess what? My group mates aren't helping me again this time! What on earth?? This is a group project for whoever's sake! They why am I trapped again doing this alone on my own, working very hard just to accumulate THEIR marks?"

Then lunch time comes. They grumble again because the queue is long, or because the food is lousy, because they lost their money, the list goes on...

Ever wonder why people are so hard to please? Because they are never satisfied!

Think about this:
Early in the morning, you wake up, you can see it's already morning. You can see from your eyes clearly that the sun is already risen, you can hear from your own two ears your alarm clock ringing, you can still breathe Oxygen for free, you can still open your mouth and talk and express your ideas verbally, you can still move your two feet and walk... think about this.

When you look at your 'things-to-do' list, be thankful that you can still live your life with excitement. Think about those people who are not able to do anything, who are restricted from this and that, who are weak, who don't know when their life might end, as it may just end anytime!"

And be thankful that you can still have your breakfast!

When doing your project, think that you are not alone. There are still tutors who are willing to help you when you have doubts. There are other friends who might cheer you up. There are friends who always give you support, even though what they do is just saying "Ganbatte!" to you. Be thankful that those people are still around to charge your batteries.

There are thousands of things that happen everyday. It's your choice to make those thousands REALLY dreadful, or REALLY meaningful.

Enjoy your day today! :)

Today is my bday. I'm glad that it didn't end up suckily. I thought having a GCC meeting on my bday was a totally awful idea. However, it turned out not that bad. Well, at least it's memorable, even though we played dirty a bit.

When Peilin threw flour on me, I was like, what the hell!!? I just washed my hair this bloody morning, which then caused me to be late for e-Business Mgmt tutorial. And now you sprayed flour on my freaggin' hair?? I couldn't care less, I scooped the flour from the floor and made them white as well!!

I received quite a few birthday gifts from my classmates also. Justin, Suling and Jing Yi, Shahirah, and Crystal (1 packet of Pocky), and surprisingly, both Justin and Suling (and Jing Yi also) gave me a mug with a soft toy inside. What on earth made the both of them think of buying the same stuff? Ok, the designs are totally different, but the fact that the two of them gave me similar presents is still kinda cute.

This year, a lot of my friends sms-ed me happy birthday. It was totally different from last year's. Last year's was completely disappointing. Thinking of it makes me want to throw up. However, remembering that none of my family members -yea, none!- did wish me happy birthday this year, I really don't know which year is better.

Papa, Mama, Sister and Brother, TODAY IS ELEVENTH OF JULY FOR GOODNESS' SAKE!! How can the four of you back there in Jakarta forget this very crucial date??

Ok, I won't yell at them that way (well, perhaps deep inside my heart I am yelling like nobody's business), but please.. please! I know I'm in Singapore and not in Jakarta, but please!!

I felt like completely forgotten, left out, insignificant. Moreover, I have not had the time to call them and talk to them because I have been extremely busy these days. The last time I talked to my mother was 14th June, I think, which was quite a long time ago. However, no matter how rare you see each other or talk to each other, forgetting one of your family member's birthday is way too unnecessary.

I told Jesher and April about this matter, and Jesher told me that THEY are my family. Jesher and the gang are my family and I'm part of them. However, no matter how many friends you have, how fun your friends are, how close you are with them, they are still NOT your family. It's just not enough when you don't get wishes from your own personal family members. They are still incomparable.

To me, if not to others.

Anyways, give thanks to the Lord for all His guidance this past a year, I have been so blessed each day, and I can feel His faithfulness in every single second of my life. No matter how many times I commit a sin, He would still be there waiting for me to come back to Him. And I want to thank Him that I am given a chance to enjoy a day of my life, and realise that I have a lot of friends, who truly care about me.

I just miss the time when my dad used to specially pray for me on my bday.

Last but not least, Happy Eighteenth Birthday to Louisa Zephania Lukas!

I went to the morning service today as there would be a bonding session in with the organising committee for the RF project for the youth thingy. Well, at least, that was what I thought, until I found out that the other committee members were not coming, and hence it's just US.

Who do I mean by 'us' were April, Phoebe, Jesher, Terence, Alan, Aaron, Jia Hao, and I. We went to Sentosa beach, had a 'picnic', played frisbee, etc etc etc. After being burnt in Sentosa, we decided to catch "Superman Returns". However, Phoebe and Alan went home as they had something on in the evening.

We went to Sim Lim Square as April needed to pass a CD to someone *cough cough*, then went straight to Bugis Junction for dinner. On the way, Peilin and Kok Ann (not sure how to spell his name) joined us. Howe Luen came after that, when we were having dinner. During dinner time, all we did was craziness. I'm too lazy to type what are the things we did. We then took dots photographs before the movie while waiting for Gerald and Nicholas to arrive and join us.

There are only 2 words to describe 'today': ULTIMATE FUN!~ I have NEVER been to cinemas for such such a loooooooooonnngg loooooonnnggg time. I have been too busy with work until I find playing computer games is actually heaven. I have forgotten how fun it is to hang out with friends.

Yea, I need to get a life. =.=

It's no school to me. I felt totally great becoz at last, I could stay at home and get a little life. I could wake up as late as I want, and most importantly, had a break from going to TP which gets more and more sickening each day. I treated today as a sacred Friday, as if the world's gonna end tomorrow. It was really heaven, until finally I received an sms. 1 unread message. From: Daisy.

I opened the message unwillingly. And the message went something like, "please collect the global star award ticket booklet from me on monday. Advisor wants maincom to sell." My fingers quickly replied, "But I am selling tickets.." I wanted to put the emphasise in the AM, and made it in caps at first, but I did not want to sound rude, so decided to type in all lowercase. As fast as a sprinter, she replied my message back, "You need to take 20".

Great. G-R-E-A-T. The world's having so much fun on me now. I got my first booklet consisting of 10 tickets from TPIS this Tuesday, and I did not even manage to sell a single tix. I have promoted the tickets online and offline to attract my friends to buy, but they got turned off when they see the dresscode, which is ethnic. That's not the only case. Most of them can't make it on Thursday, especially in the evening, and some felt that $5 is a little too expensive. And now GCC wants me to get another booklet consisting of another 10 tickets. Just tell what's greater than that?? It's just rediculous. The reason that because I am a maincomm in 2 clubs hence I need to sell 20 tickets is so unreasonable and can't be accepted. It is clear enough that I can't sell a single one to my friends. I'm no marketing student. I have tried my best and this is what I get. Don't you think that keeping the tickets in OSC and make the students buy from there is better than having me mobilise 20 tickets? I can't turn the tickets into money. I will return you tickets in the end instead of money. And I'm being serious now. I hope I can get subcomms to show me their support by buying my tickets, or perhaps, selling my tickets.

I have tonnes of words to say, but I just don't know where to start. I think my position now is way too heavy for me. Being a maincomm in 2 clubs is unbelievably tough. I seriously don't know what was I thinking when Alvin approached me and asked to be in GCC maincomm. Ok. He rephrased the words in such a nice way until I thought I can manage.

As soon as Swee Kee knew that I am being the liaison person between the two clubs, she said, "I have a feeling that Alvin's gonna ask you to do more things than just recording minutes." Well, to be honest, Swee Kee has gained my respect. I think she is very thoughtful and always goes through everything thoroughly. I really did not think about this before. I should have thought about that, after knowing Alvin for quite a few months, but I did not. Miss Boey, my TPIS advisor, has shown me the necessary support and told me that if I feel too presurised being in GCC, I can always approach her. But Daisy is different. She can be quite demanding. Wait.. "quite" is not a really appropriate word to say. Should I say, "very"? No offence to Daisy, this is just what I'm thinking.

I have too much commitment in one go. I have my school which is VERY important to me, my parents, and my future, I have spiritual commitment with God my Saviour and other church commitment in the ministry, I have TPIS, I have GCC, and right now I have Poly Forum, and soon I will have this Tampines RC thing. Tell you what, I feel like ordering a coffin asap.

All I can say now is hopelessness. I am hopeless for both clubs. I personally don't think that I can endure it until the end of my junior year. I can't even manage my time well. My schoolwork is neglected. I can give neither clubs my 100% commitment. I know it very distinctly that I'm gonna let both clubs go in my senior year. I certainly will.

I'm glad I'm back to YRC Sunday service after been missing for 2 weeks. I guess I really need this coz I have been further and further away from God. The Spirit within me always whispers that I need to mend and work on my relationship with God.

I realised I have been acting like ordinary mankind. I have been talking bad about people, gossiping, cursing and swearing, being nasty to certain people, grumbling, and doing countless of other unworthy things. Being a Christian, I am supposed to be different from others. The reason is simple, because I don't belong to the world. This world. I belong the the Lord, and thus, I need to act things like God. The way He spreads love, the way He make others feel when He is with them, the way He does this and that... Yes, I know that. I learnt those theory in Sunday School. However, I did not put them into practice. It's wrong and it needs changes. Quick one.

I went to the Youth service this afternoon and there was a testimonial from a young lady, saying how she was taken to another dimention by God. Jesus took her to both hell and heaven. Usual story, you might say. However, the way she described hell was real. For those who don't believe, I tell you, Hell and Heaven do exist. You will face judgement (God Himself be the judge), and finally be put in only one of the two after you leave the Earth. You don't know when you will die. It can be tonight, tomorrow, or years later.

Hell

- Screams, wails, tears, and blood everywhere.

- It STINKS!!

- Scary, some places are very dark, with extra small cubicles, and there is a human in each cubicle.

- Everlasting fire that won't and can't be extinguished.

- The walls and the floors were full of blood, mucus, saliva, and it's really disgusting.

- People being tortured everywhere, but after that, he/she comes back to normal, ready to be tortured again. In other words, everlasting torture. Torture that won't stop.

• Some of the tortures are:
  + Eyeballs being taken out, blood flows like rivers, but after that, there is a new eyeball again, ready to be taken out again. This goes on and on and on forever.
  + The human inside the cubicles that I said earlier digerogotin ulat-ulat kecil from the top of the head to the tip of the toe. After all the body is gone, and left only the skeleton, there will be a new body again, ready to be eaten by worms soon after.
  + Dikulitin.
  + 2 girls of the same gender were tied together, and so as guys. Then hung above a valley of fire, ready to be "boiled". I guess this goes for the homosexuals...
  + Being scratched, mulutnya dirobek, mukanya dicakar-cakar.
  + Body parts being cut to small pieces again and again.

- The people who are in hell were not only those unbelievers, there are also those who called themselves Christians but do not follow the teachings of Jesus. You may be shocked, but there are pastors too. Wicked pastors.

Heaven

- Lots of houses. Some of them are big, but some are small. Some are built, some are still under construction. The big houses are for those who were faithful till the end, who served God with the right motivation.

- There are barracks too, for those who just received Christ before their deaths.

- Fresh fruits can just be picked from the trees, and a new fruit will pop out again.

- The floors are made from crystals, the walls are made from gold. How rich God is.

- There is a very big, beautiful and awesome castle. It's where God lives. Some of the people whom He has chosen also live there. Inside there is always a party to celebrate Christ, praising and worshipping God.

- There are angels with and without wings. Those without wings are to praise and worship God, those with wings are for the battle of the spirit.

- People found there are in their most "strong" state. No old and weak people. They are given a new 'body' when they entered heaven. All handsome and pretty.

- John the disciple, Paul the evangelist, David the King, and Moses the prophet are there. They said, "just grab His heart. Be intimate with Him. You will sure guarantee a place here."

- There are everlasting joy.

- Last but not least, Jesus' face is really lovely. Very, very different from what we usually see in pictures. He is a good-looking, ultimate heartthrob. (Hearing this makes me can't wait to see Jesus face to face, the lover of my soul!)

All believers, seriously, spread around the good news that ALL of us CAN go to heaven, provided that we believe in Jesus. There is NO OTHER WAY to heaven, for He is the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through Him. (John 14:6)

Hellow!

So I am chosen to represent TP in this year's Polytechnic Forum. Hais.. thanks to that, I can't seem to go back to my home country during the vacation. Also, thanks to TPIS for making me so busy even on my holiday. -.-

Ok, I guess I am just being too cynical. I mean, hey, this is life. You want something extra, you have to give in something too. No pain, no gain. It's true that you will have something powerful in your testimonial later on, but hey, after this you also need to go to university, don't you think it's better for you to concentrate on your studies first??

There is something that I just can't understand with my fellow committee members. They don't seem to be busy with projects, even though it's project week! I was like.. WHAT!?? Why are they so free? I almost wanted to break into tears whenever TPIS organised a meeting during project week. My projects were like killing me, and they really succeeded in making me slept for 2 hours a day, how can they still have meetings that end at 10pm++??

When I shared this to them, they don't believe me. "2 hours a day?? Really ah?? Wah you really put in too much effort on your projects lah.." Hello, what do you mean by "too much"?? I even think my group is too lazy compared to the other groups. Or is it that Engineering school students have never gone through this kind of things in their whole life before?? I personally don't think so. But why are they so surprised about?? And that "too much" effort that you are talking, oh PUHleasee.. I can even now tell you that I will fail my E-business Mgmt Project!! YES! After those 2 hours sleep, that is the reward I'm gonna get. How can I pass that one when my report was not even up to standard??

Okay, whatever it is, I chatted with Suhandy just now and he asked what course I am in. I shared about how I decided not to enroll in design but chose Business IT instead, and stuff like that. I told him how I hardly interested in IT or Business, but in the end he told me something that really convinces me that I am in a right course: "Well.. but it's good, nonetheless. That's a booming course nowadays, you know?" Alright. Perhaps he didn't sound like the way I phrase it. Lol. But I didn't change the meaning okay?? Yahh.. knowing that you are in a right course gives you the motivation to move on, right? Especially with the killing projects and all that.. hihihi..